


One More Shot

by emalemaleigh



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Established Relationship, F/F, Major Character Injury, Make Up, potential smut, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-25
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:48:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 34,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21561730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emalemaleigh/pseuds/emalemaleigh
Summary: Elisabeth's dream finally came true. She's been selected to represent the United States in the 2015 World Cup. But what happens when tragedy strikes and changes everything?
Relationships: Tobin Heath/Original Character
Comments: 20
Kudos: 81





	1. One

**2015**

"Elisabeth! Can we have a quick word?"

My head snaps around to see who is calling for me. I hate when people call me Elisabeth, that's my grandmother. I've gone by EB since I was a baby. The people that call me that call me that obviously have never met me. I look up to see a reporter, standing on the sideline of the pitch, gesturing me over to her.

I look over to Jill, rolling my eyes and silently pleading with her to say no, that I can't leave practice to do an interview. She gives me a look at says "I'm sorry, it's part of the job." I let out a big sigh and stomp over to the reporter.

"Hello Elisabeth! How are you, beautiful day for some soccer!"

"Please call me EB, Elisabeth is too formal!" I put on my best fake smile and listen to her questions.

"Alright EB, how is training going? Not much time left until the World Cup!"

I hate talking about myself, give me any other topic, literally anything.

"Training is going great! Jill has assembled a great group here and we're all really clicking. Canada is definitely in the back of my mind, we have to focus on what's happening now."

"As someone who was one of the final cuts for the 2011 World Cup, what have you been doing to prepare yourself better this time around?" Wow, going right for the gut. She pulls no punches so I guess I have to respect that.

"I wouldn't say I'm preparing differently than I did in 2011, I've just really worked on fine tuning the little things. I try to tell myself 'What if you got there a half-second earlier? What if you were just one second faster?' Any small improvement I can make will make me into an overall better athlete." I recited my practiced answer to that question. It's shown up at some point in every interview I've done in the last six months.

Suddenly I hear a sharp whistle. "EB, let's get back to work!" Jill calls.

"It was nice chatting with you!" I say as I jog back over to join the rest of the midfielders.

"Watch out everybody, celebrity coming through!" Tobin runs up next to me, speaking in an invisible ear piece, miming as a bodyguard, herding me into the huddle.

I've known Tobin since I was 12 and she was 14. It had been my first invitation to a youth national camp. It was an east coast talent camp, basically they invited the best girls along the coast ranging from ages 12-15. I had been roomed with two older girls, one from New Jersey and one from Connecticut. I remember walking into our shared room and there was a girl with a huge smile and an Arsenal jersey. And the rest was history.

Tobin and Alyssa have been my best friends since we left camp that summer, I truly can't imagine life without them. Tobin taught me the right way to wear my socks and Alyssa got me hooked on crossword puzzles.

"Tobs, stop! We've discussed this before, you would make a terrible bodyguard. You are the least intimidating person ever." She turns around to look at me with her 100 watt smile.

"You wish I was your bodyguard." And sticks her tongue out. She always has been my bodyguard though, my best friend, who always did her best to never let anything bad happen to me. And if something did, she was there. On the field, she would be at my side in a second, then leaving to yell at a ref or the player that fouled me. Off the pitch, she was there for whatever I needed. If someone broke my heart, she'd let me yell and scream until I was blue in the face, she'd let me use her shoulder to cry for hours, usually til I fell asleep, then she'd put me in bed. She was there no matter what was going on in my life. It was because of that I chose to play at North Carolina when the time came to chose where I would go to college. I had really considered Stanford, but the opportunity to play with my best friend again so too good to pass up. And I had the best four years of my life, winning national championships is fun.  
  


Then I followed her to Portland. Playing professionally had always been the dream. I would have been happy playing wherever, but being in Portland is something different. The fans, the city, all of it is incredible.

Alyssa has always felt like the big sister I never had. She would scold me and roll her eyes at me, talk trash about UNC and Portland, always with a subtle smile. My relationship with Tobin is different, I can't fully explain it but it's just more... fluid? We hold hands sometimes, we'll stay over at each other's apartments from time to time, and there was the one time in college we made out at some party after a big game. Okay maybe it happened more that one time, a lot more that one time. But I've never been sure how to classify us.

When Tobin left for PSG two years ago, I thought my world was falling apart. It was the longest we'd been apart since we were kids. I didn't know how to function without talking to her everyday. With the time difference from Portland to Paris, that was nearly impossible. We scheduled weekly phone "dates" that always lasted hours, catching up on every detail in each other's lives. When I got the opportunity to visit her in Paris and watch her play, I was floating. It was weird sitting in the stands while she was down on the pitch, we've played on the same team for years. I was able to focus on her, see her made defenders look silly, something I didn't always get to see when we shared the field. I got to spend four days in Paris, but it wasn't enough, though there was another one of those drunken make out sessions. She hugged me before I got on the plane home and I tried to hold back tears, but she saw. She gave me a soft kiss on the forehead and sent me on my way, giving me a smack on the ass for good measure, which got me to smile, no doubt it was the result she hoped for. When she came back, I didn't leave her side for at least 48 hours, just to be sure she wouldn't leave again.

After practice, we took the bus back to the hotel. Camp was in California this time, we had a game coming up tomorrow against Korea. Tobin was already passed out with her head on my shoulder. She could fall asleep anywhere, anytime, it's like a superpower. When we got back to the hotel, it was my turn to pass out. I was rooming with Alex for this camp, but she was currently hanging out with some of the other ladies in Kling's room, aka the "fun room".

Tobin came back to the room with me, claiming she needs a real nap, the bus was a "pre-nap" to prepare her for the real thing. Alex would freak out if someone was in her bed so Tobs curled up next to me, shoulder to shoulder.

"EB, go on a date with me, like an actual date." She said, more matter-of-fact than a question.

I turn on my side to face her. "Say what, now?"

She just looked at me with the patented Tobin Heath smile, then leaned in and gave me a soft kiss.

"Well, took you long enough!" I smiled back at her before snuggling in closer and closing my eyes.

Finally. 2015 was on its way to being my best year ever.


	2. Two

**3 Months Later**

I spoke too soon, 2015 might end up the worst year of my life.

"Hello?"

"EB? It's Jill." And now I can feel my hands trembling and the tears welling up, whether they're happy or sad tears, I don't know yet. "I just wanted to let you know, you did it! Welcome to the World Cup roster!"

I nearly dropped my phone. "Really?! Wow, thank you so much, Jill. You won't regret this!" I was smiling so wide I think Jill could see it all the way in Chicago. We chat for a few minutes before hanging up. I jump to my feet, immediately busting out my happy dance. I grab my phone and start calling everyone. My parents back in Virginia, my sister Anna in Texas, and Tobin.

"You got the call!" She shouts as soon as she picks up the phone.

"How do you do that? Let me have my moment." I feign annoyance.

"Oh, Jill called me too and I asked if you made it." She says nonchalantly.

"You didn't! What would you have done if she said I was cut?"

"There was no way you were getting cut, you've been playing lights out this past year." A smile creeps up on me.

"You have to say that, you're my girlfriend, it's kind of your job."

"Doesn't make it any less true. Ready to prove it in our game next week? Show the third Musketeer who's boss?" In a few days we were playing against the Red Stars, Alyssa's team. We had been trading trash talk for the last week.

"Alyssa's gonna wish she stayed in Chicago." I say. I can hear her silent laugh through the phone, making fun of my attempt to be evil.

"I bet she will, but more likely because she's a lazy homebody who is weirdly obsessed with word games. Not because she's scared of us, I'm not sure Alyssa is afraid of anything."

We win the game 3-0, Alex had two and Tobin had the third. Afterwards I came over to Alyssa, her steely expression softening for a moment when she saw me.

"Good game Lys!"

"Are you joking?" She chuckled. "What game were you watching?"

"Well, I mean you played great for my team tonight!" I say teasingly, then I quickly tried to dart out of the way, but she wrapped me in a headlock and gave me a noogie.

"Hey, hey now. No need to mess up the goods!" I say,

escaping, fixing my prewrap over my thick, blonde hair. "You better be careful, or I'm going to take back my offer letting you stay with me tonight instead of the hotel!"

"Promise? Your couch is the least comfortable piece of furniture in the world."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. No waffles in the morning for you!"

We head back to our respective locker rooms. I shower and change, ready to head home for the evening. Alyssa was staying over and Tobs was coming over to hang for a while.

I was the first one ready to go so I made my way out to the parking lot. I figured I'd start the car, this is Portland after all, not Florida, and it's cold. I turn around at the sound of their voices, motioning them towards my car.

And then it happened.

I woke up, extremely disoriented. Where was I? I try to find my phone but I can't move my arm. My eyes were starting to adjust to the bright, white light of the room. It must be a hospital, that or an insane asylum. There were wires everywhere, my head was pounding, and I couldn't feel my legs. Oh god, am I... paralyzed? My eyes jolt wide open in terror.

"Hey babe? EB? Eebs it's okay. It's okay, I'm right here." I feel Tobin take my hand in hers and give it a squeeze. She tries to soothe me but it's not working.

"T, what's going on? What happened? I can't remember. Ahh, my head!" I instinctively raise my arm to head, to find it wrapped in a bandage. "Tobin, what is going on?" I can feel hot tears running down my face.

"Easy, babe. Everything is going to be okay, you were in an accident. Someone ran you over at Providence Park. You have a lot of injuries, I need you to try and be still. I'm right here, and so is everyone else." I try to steady myself, clinging to Tobin for dear life. I look around and see my friends, splayed out across every space in the tiny room. Alyssa was on my other side, trading her normal RBF for a look of quiet panic. Kelley was there, asleep in the small armchair, she had been in Portland for the weekend, visiting Alex, who was also asleep, sitting against the chair with her head resting on Kelley's lap. Kling was posted up against the door, giving me a soft smile. She pointed to show me that all of our teammates were out in the hall.

"They said five was enough, everyone else had to wait outside. Your mom, dad and Anna are all on their way, so is everyone else. I already spoke to Hope, HAO, Carli, Cheney, and Ash, they're all on getting on planes as we speak."

All I could do was look back at Tobin with a pleading look. "Tobs, what happened?" I say, but just then, a doctor came in, my doctor?

"Ms. Grace? Elisabeth? I'm Dr. Smith, I'm the one who's been handling your surgeries." As in plural? I grip Tobins hand so hard I swear I might be breaking her hand. "The vehicle struck you in your right hip, causing multiple breaks to your pelvic region and your upper thigh, including your femur. The force knocked you over onto your left side, causing multiple broken ribs, a fractured clavicle, and a head injury. You've already undergone a preventative surgery to stop any internal bleeding but we will be going back in to start work on your hip. At the moment, it's stabilized and we've given you medication to help with the pain. Your friends have been great, got you here as quick as possible, otherwise the damage could have been potentially fatal." This time, I feel Tobin grip my hand at his words. "I will give you some time to process that news and if you need me, just page my nurse and I will get here as soon as I can. I've got the impression you're a fighter Ms. Grace, you're going to pull through this just fine. Your medication will make you drowsy and you will probably slip in and out of sleep, try to get some rest." He says as he's walking out of the room. He pulls Alyssa away for a minute, stepping outside to tell her something, obviously something he didn't want me to hear. She came back in with a solemn expression.

"Lys, what's going on? What did he tell you?" I don't mean for my voice to sound as panicked as it does.

"Don't worry, I'll explain it to you tomorrow. Right now you need to try and rest. We need to get you better."

I try to relax and lay my head comfortably, not having much success. Before my eyes start to close, I can see Alyssa give Tobin, who still hadn't let go of my hand, a worried look. Before I can ask what it's about, I drift off into a restless sleep.


	3. Three

The stabbing pain in my head pulls me out of sleep. I wince, trying to open my eyes but the bright lights are too much. The pain is unbearable, I can't speak, let alone scream, all I can do is ball my fists in agony. To my left, I can hear someone trying to talk.

"EB? Eebs, what is it? Tell me what hurts." But that's just it, isn't it? I feel around, trying to find her hand, my teeth grinding, I swear my heads going to split open.

"Nurse! We need some help in here!" And then it stops, the pain is gone. I passed out before the nurse made it to up my pain medication. I don't remember it, but this has happened multiple times in the past few days. My sister tells me later that my mom had been near hysterics watching it happen.

When I wake, the pain is gone. I can finally open my eyes and not be blinded by the sunlight. The room is quiet, I'm alone and I try to remember exactly what happened. But, try as I might, I got nothing. I remember leaving the locker room but that's it. The rest is blank. I look around the room for anything that might trigger a memory, and then I see her. Tobin is sitting in the floor, leaning back against the wall, fast asleep.

"She hasn't gone home, not once. Can barely get her to leave the room." Alex is standing in the doorway, she must have seen me looking around. She speaks quietly, no doubt trying not to wake the slumped figure in the corner. "How are you feeling? How's your head?" She moves closer to the bed, but stays just far enough away, likes she's afraid she'd break me.

"Like I got hit by a Mack truck." It's dripping with sarcasm but Alex's face stays serious. Her eyebrows are knitted into a look of concern, looking me up down. All the wires, bandages, the contraption keeping my hip immobilized.

"It's good to have you back, let me go get the doctor and let your family know you're up." Before I can argue, she backs out of the room and down the hallway. She thinks I don't see her wiping away tears.

It's silent in the room, save for random beeps from the machines and Tobin's even breathing. I close my eyes, trying to focus on her, using it like a form of meditation. It's the same, soft breathing I hear when I wake up before her in the morning. Most of the time I wake up curled in close to her, with my head on her chest, feeling the rhythmic up and down motion. It takes me to her apartment, barely furnished because she's never home for very long. If she could, I think Tobin would couch surf for her whole life. She loved the spontaneity of it, a new place, new things to do, more people to meet. I think it's why she likes staying at my apartment sometimes, just a break from the mundane. When I picture us at her place, I think about how we celebrated my birthday a few months ago. She's trying to cook for me. She's not that great at it but her concentration and the effort she's putting in is endearing. When she presented me with her finished product, homemade chicken parm (my favorite), I swear she held her breath until I'd finished my bite. When I gave her my thumbs up, she smiled so big you couldn't see her eyes anymore. Classic Tobin. That's the only image of her I want in my head. Not this broken, exhausted shell with dark circles under her eyes. I can see she's been putting her hair up and then pulling it back down, usually her tell when she's nervous.

The doctor enters the room, his face not betraying anything he was about to tell me. I decide to be brave and handle this on my own, letting Tobin sleep a little longer and knowing the doctor has probably already told Alyssa everything.

"Elisabeth, it's good to see you awake! How are you feeling? Any new pain?" He asks while reviewing my chart.

"Um, I'm not sure what's new or old." I tell him about how my shoulder is killing me and the sling isn't helping at all, about how there is constant ringing in my right ear. It takes most of my energy to get the words out.

"I will talk to the nurse about getting you a brace for your shoulder, as for your ear, we will have to wait and see but there is a good chance your hearing may be been damaged." Of course, one more thing, one more problem. He spends a few minutes talking and I see Tobin slowly waking. The doctor excuses himself but says to hit the call button if there's any issue.

It takes her a minute, she rubs the sleep off her eyes and yawns, but then she notices I'm awake.

"EB! You're awake!" She races over to my side, planting a cautious kiss to my forehead before kneeling down next to me, taking my hand. The worry is still etched across her face but she tries to hide it behind her beautiful, albeit tired, smile.

"Hi. You stink." I say, crinkling my nose, doing my best to hide a giggle. "When was the last time you showered?" She looks bewildered, that this was my greeting to her, like I must have gone temporarily insane.

"What?" She asks.

"Tobs, I love you so, so much, and I love that you're here. But there's not much you can do right now. Please, take a break. Go home, shower, and take a nap." She's staring right back at me, almost like she's silently asking for permission. I motion her forward and give her a quick kiss, using my one hand not in a sling to cup her chin. "But you better bring back snacks!" And I give her one last peck before she gets up to leave.

"I love you, Elisabeth Grace."

"I love you more, Tobin Heath."

It feels like hours have passed since she left. I know I told her to go but I didn't think about how lonely I'd be, it's like she had been the distraction from the pain. I wasn't allowed more pain medication for a two more hours. My hip throbbing, head threatening to spontaneously combust.

"Egg?" I hear a small voice at the door. It could only be Kelley, that's her nickname for me, Egg, made from my initials, Elisabeth Gerard Grace. I prefer people not knowing my middle name, I hate it. It was my mom's maiden name and she wanted to keep it in the family, it's still the worst. But Kelley had taken to it almost immediately. When she figured out the acronym, that was it, the only way she'd refer to me.

"Hey Kell." I wish I could sit up to greet her, but the broken ribs tell me I'd better not move. Sometimes I forget how small Kelley is, for someone who has such a big presence on the field.

"How are you holding up?" Her question annoys me, it's the third time in the last half hour someone's asked me that. But it's not her fault.

"Just peachy." And I let out a sigh of frustration. Shelooks at me with an unreadable expression.

"Well, just so you know, I've scoured every vending machine in this god forsaken building. I have found the best, and the worst. 7th floor has sour Skittles, 3rd floor has Hot Cheetos, but 4th floor has gum, just gum." She shudders, thinking about the space being used to house anything other than junk food. "So, if you're hungry, let me know." She smiles back at me.

Then there's a knock on the door, my parents and Anna. My mom's face is still splotchy form her says spent crying, but now there's a smile peaking though. She hugs me starts telling me about their day. It's nice, almost normal, if you overlook the setting.

My parents stay for a few hours before I send them back to their hotel to sleep. Seems I'm wishing sleep on everyone but myself. Just as I'm closing my eyes, someone enters.

Tobin, in all her glory, has returned. She looks refreshed, her hair still damp from a shower. The dark circles are still there under her eyes but they appear lighter than they were this morning when I sent her away.

"Hi, sweet girl." I smile at her as she makes her way over to me. She sets down a small duffle bag in the corner but carries a plastic shopping bag over to me.

"Hi." She smiles before bending down to kiss me.

"What did you bring me?"

Tobin chuckles. "Just a few necessities." She pulls out a new book of crosswords, a jumbo bag of Swedish Fish, and a six pack of Diet Coke, my biggest weakness. She shows them to me one by one, allowing me to ooh and ahh each time, just to see that smile again.

"You're the best." I say.

"I know, but it's nice to be reminded."

"Oh no, not you. I was talking to the Diet Coke."

In the duffle bag, she had packed a spare set of clothes for herself, my ratty old sweatshirt that I love, and my Arsenal jersey. "They can't afford to lose their good luck charm!" And for the rest of the night, she sits in the chair next me, cradling my good hand, using her thumb to trace slow, calming circles. I can tell her mind is racing.

"EB?" She asks. "Are you gonna be okay this summer?" I don't understand the question. Summer? That's still a ways away, why would she be wondering about that?

Then it hits me. How could I be so stupid? So in denial? This summer. Canada. The World Cup. The World Cup I won't get to play in, again. Now it's my mind that's racing.


	4. Four

I just stared at her, stunned. How could I not have seen this? I made the World Cup roster and everything was right with the world. What am I supposed to do now? I can’t mentally handle missing out another time. And it's not even my fault, I didn't make this happen. I can feel the tears welling up fast.

"It's not fair." Is all I can choke out.

"I know it's not, EB. None of this is fair, this should have never happened to you." She reaches back for my hand but I pull away.

"I think I need to be alone." I say, not daring to look at her. I know what her expression is, a mixture of overwhelming guilt and sympathy, and I can't face it. Not without getting even more emotional. I hear her slowly pad out of the room, stopping at the threshold for a moment, before continuing into the hall, closing the door behind her. And then I can't hold it back anymore and the floodgates open.

***

After about a week, my doctor comes in to tell me I'm being moved to the rehab unit of the hospital, I'm "no longer in critical condition" and I can begin my recovery there. No longer in critical condition? Is he joking? Does injuring myself to the point of never playing soccer again not count as critical? "Begin my recovery"? Recovery to what? Even if the doctor won't, I can say the chance of me ever touching the pitch again are about .001 percent.

I'm sick of people talking around me, as if I'm not even there or that I can't speak for myself. Whether is the doctors talking to my parents, Tobin talking to my parents AND the doctor, Alyssa talking to Tobin, but no one wants to talk to me. As if I'm too frail and may break if they ask me a question. My mom is standing in the corner, speaking in hushed tones with my sister and Tobin. I know they’re talking about me, the way my mom’s eyes flit back to me very few seconds.

“If you’re going to talk about me while I’m in the room, you should at least include me.” I snap, a little more on edge than I hoped due to the pain ruminating in my head and hip. 

“Oh honey, we just don’t want to give you any stress. Your recovery is so delicate—“

“I am not delicate! I’m an adult and would like to be treated like one!” It’s not quite a scream but it’s enough to make all three of them jump. “Stop acting as if I’m not here, tell me what’s going on!”

“EB, nothing is happening, we were just talking about what it’s going to be like when they move you to the rehab wing. We’re all so happy that you’re on your way back.” Anna says in her most reassuring voice. She’s always been the best at that, calming me down. She is the best big sister a girl could have, she protected me and taught me how to be tough as nails. Only now, I don’t want to be tough, I don’t want to fight.

“Why bother?” They all stare at me. “I’m never going to play soccer again so what’s the point? Who cares if I recover? Might as well get used to it.” Tobin looks at me, bewildered. This woman, who looks at me as if I’d hung the moon for her, now looked terrified, as if the person she knew was now be hidden by this nasty one.

***

It was another week before there was a room available to me in the rehab wing. It was definitely nice to be out of the ICU. Here I had windows, I was allowed to keep flowers and gifts. It was a huge room too, with space to move around. If there was anything that could put me in a somewhat better mood, this was it. That is until the entire national team came to visit me and really brought me back. It was just before they left for the last pre-World Cup camp. It was really hard to be happy knowing that I was supposed to be going with them, but just being around them made me smile. Hope was trying to contain Kelley, keeping her from literally bouncing off the wall. Ashlyn was telling everyone some story, using multiple voices and hand gestures that made me crack up. Before they left, my mom took a picture of all us together, one last time before they left.

After they left, I decided to post on Instagram for the first time since before the accident. Under the photo I wrote, “My family. Kick some ass for me or you I’ll make sure you don’t cross the border!”

***

Watching them play was hard. Not only because I missed being there with them but I had been worried I let the team down. Seeing Moe step into the role was reassuring, she’s an incredible player and truly deserves this. But doesn’t make it any easier. The night before their first group stage game, I FaceTimed with Tobin to wish her luck. She passed the phone around the hotel room where they were all gathered. A chorus of “we miss you!” rang out, finishing with a “biiiiitchhh” from Ash, for good measure. Tobin then decided to speak privately with me and took the phone to her room.

“It’s weird, you not being here.” She flops on the bed with a contented sigh. “I wish you were, what am I gonna do without you watching my back?”

“Gotta keep your head on a swivel, can’t let anyone sneak up behind you. Plus, Alyssa’s there, she’s got your back, and so does everyone else.”

“I know, it’s just different.” Tobin isn’t one to dwell on things or get nervous. She’s fidgety, which tells me that she’s anxious. She doesn’t like all the attention that comes with being at the World Cup, the media days and advertising spots. Leave that to the Alex and Abbys of the world. She wants to be on the field. That’s where she makes her presence known.

“How are you feeling? New digs still treating you well?” And just like that, she turns the conversation away from her and her anxiety, never wanting to spend too long talking about herself. And we spend the next few hours talking, catching up, anddebating who we would want as our backup in a bar fight.

“Ash, hands down. T, you have heard the fish story, right?” And at some point, late into the night, I hear her steady breathing as she falls asleep.

The next morning, I am woken up super early when the effects of my pain medication start to wear off. Before I try to go back to sleep, I send off a quick good morning text to my girl.

**EB** : GET UP ITS GAMEDAY!

 **EB** : I hope you’re ready to kick butt and take names!

 **EB** : Just know, I’m always your biggest supporter and I’ll be cheering so loud that you may actually hear me in Canada.

 **EB** : And you better score some GOLAZOS

 **EB** : I love you!

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: Babe, its 4AM go away

 **Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: I love you too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you’re enjoying this!


	5. Five

There was one saving grace when it came to watching the games in the hospital. Lindsey. She came to watch them all with me. I didn’t know Lindsey all that well before now, just that Tobin loved her like a little sister and Lindsey all but worshipped the ground Tobin walked. When she came the day of the first game, I was so happy. Just having someone there made it more bearable to watch on tv when I was supposed to be there. I know Lindsey had been a little salty about being left off the roster and I think watching it together helped ease the sting for her too.

The semi-final against Germany was the most intense so far in the tournament. I yelled, I gritted my teeth, I tried to tell the players what to do.

“No, Jules she’s open to your right! Don’t pass into traffic!”

“Nice pass Cheney! Oh come on, Al! Such a beautiful cross you gotta get there!”

Lindsey was sitting in the armchair on the other side of the room, knees pulled to her chest and chewing the inside of her lip. She wasn’t nearly as vocal as I was, but you could tell she was studying everything that was happening, thinking about what she would do if she was in that situation. That’s the thing about Linds, she’s always concentrating. She wasn’t going to get left off the roster again.

I was a little frustrated watching Tobs get subbed off,she was playing so well. But I was so happy for Kelley, she deserved this. And with how chippy this game was becoming, she was a good addition. Kelley doesn’t shy away from tough spots. She goes for every tackle and can talk trash with the best of them. And then she scored, in perfect O’Hara fashion, flying in at the last second. If I could have jumped out of bed, I would have. I was so happy for her, so proud. Later that evening, I got to FaceTime with the team, still in the middle of their celebrations.

“Egg, did you see it? I can’t believe it. God, it was so incredible. I couldn’t recreate that if I tried. Wow.” She was grinning from ear to ear, talking a mile a minute.

“You were amazing, Kell! I’m so proud of you!”

“Wanna hear what HAO overheard on the bench?” She doesn’t give me a chance to respond. “Jill and Tony were talking about who to sub in. Apparently, Jill was in a pickle with Abby and Cheney out. Then she said, ‘You know what? We need a bitch, get Kelley.’ Can you believe that? She never compliments me.” I giggled as she recounted the story.

“Well she made the right choice, KO. You were the toughest one out there. Final, here you come!”

With that, she cheers’d me with her post-game smoothie before passing the phone back to Tobin. Her giant smile simultaneously warmed my heart and brought a pang of jealousy.

“Did Lindsey tell you she’s coming to watch y’all in the final? She scored some last minute tickets.” I tell her, trying to hide my sadness about watching the final alone.

“What?! No, she didn’t tell me. That’s awesome, I know she was upset about being cut.”

“Oh really? I wonder what that’s like.” I say sarcastically. Tobin’s facial expression changed immediately, internally punishing herself for such a stupid comment.

“EB, I’m sorry. And now you’re gonna be alone, dammit. I’ll talk to Lindsey, she should stick around with you. She’ll listen to me.”

“Absolutely not. I won’t let you guilt her into sticking around with the cripple! That’s just mean Tobs. I’ll be fine, I’ve watched games alone before and I can do it again.”

“But this isn’t just any game. It’s the World Cup final.”

“I’m aware. Maybe Anna will come watch with me. She’s kind of useless when it comes to understanding soccer but she’ll cheer the loudest.” I try not to sound as annoyed as I feel. The problem is, I don’t know who to be annoyed at and for what. Lindsey has been awesome, but making her stick around and miss a chance to watch the game live would be cruel. And Tobin, I want to be pissed that she’s there and I’m not. That she is living my dream while I’m stuck in this hospital bed. But that’s not her fault, this is her dream too. And she’s killing it, I should be happy for her. I am happy for her, but I’m allowed to be upset for me too, right?

“This final is for you, you know? The whole team decided it. I went and got us all matching green (my favorite color) shoelaces to wear. They said we couldn’t wear armbands or anything so that’s what we decided. What do you think?”

I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I am in awe of her and her selflessness. She is always, always thinking about others. I use the name she hates so much, but it’s all that will come out. “Toby, I-I don’t know what to say.” I try my best to hold back my tears, but it’s not possible.

“Babe, don’t cry! If you don’t like it, we won’t do it. I just wanted you to know, you’re a part of this team even if you’re not here. I thought it could be a way to have you here with us.” She says frantically, worried she’s done something to upset me.

“I love it. I love you.” I say between sobs. “I just wish I could be there for real. Even if I can’t play.”

“Oh, EB. I wish you could be here too. I’ve missed your pre-game pep talks, I know Kelley misses pranking you. And Alex misses your handshake, she’s been doing her half before the game starts, have you seen it?”

“No, but tell her I’ll being doing my part tomorrow. And as for Kelley, she wishes she could prank me!”

“I’ll pass those along. What about my pre-game pep talk?” She gives me her best puppy-dog eyes.

“What is there to say that hasn’t already been said? You’re incredible, you are far and away the smartest player on the pitch. I believe in you, more than you could ever know, but I need you to believe in yourself. Plus you need to get some sleep! I love you with all my heart and you’re going to be amazing.” My tears have stopped and I give her a weak smile.

“I’m going to score a goal for you.” She says matter-of-fact.

“Well, wouldn’t that be something!” I winked at her.

“I’m serious, EB.”

***

It’s the day of the final. Japan, of course. It’s seems like fate, redemption. As promised, Anna is here to watch with me. She had spent the last few hours doing her soccer research so she had an idea about what I was saying. About two hours before the game, my phone started blowing up with instagram notifications, all from the team. They had all posted the same picture on their stories. Just 23 pairs of boots with green laces, all lined up. Written on the picture were the words: _you’re always with us @eb_grace._ Each person had some variation of the same thing, Kelley calling me Egg, Ash added “ _green for a kween”_ and Tobin added an _“I love you_ ”. I start crying all over again, showing Anna. Her eyes shined with tears and she squeezed my hand.

Game time. I’m propped up enough to see the tv without straining my neck, ready to cheer my heart out. What I didn’t expect was Carli scoring in the first three minutes. I was so happy I spilled my drink, spraying it everywhere. And then she did it again. And again. A hat trick in the first 15 minutes. Add in a Cheney goal too! 4-0 and 20 minutes in. What in the world?? It was awesome. At halftime, Anna called my parents to check in and tell them about the game. I just sat back in my bed and let out a deep breath, one I didn’t know I’d been holding. 4-1 at half, wow.

Then, just when I thought I couldn’t be happier, the 54th minute came. Coming off a free kick, a scramble in front of the goal and Tobin makes it look easy. She’s wide open for a quick volley that shoots past the goalie.

“Oh my god! Tobin!!!”

A nurse comes running in, hearing me scream. Then she sees my smile and what was happening on the tv.

“Congrats, Ms. Grace!” And she leaves.

I know she won’t see it for hours, but I send a quick text to Tobin, letting her know I’m with her.

**EB** : GOLAZOOOOO

**EB** : You’re incredible. Amazing. Terrific. Brilliant. Spectacular. Perfect.

**EB** : Not to mention beautiful.

**EB** : And sexy.

**EB** : I love you so much, I am so proud of you. I know you wanted to score a goal for me, but that one’s for you. For 2011. I wish I could be there to celebrate. Have an extra glass of champagne (or 4) for me! Can’t wait til you get home.

***

The next day, she still hasn’t responded to my text. I tell myself that it’s because of the whirlwind that comes after the win. They were supposed to attend the ESPYs tonight, where they would accept multiple awards.

I had just finished a particularly grueling PT session and was back in my bed, ready for a world class nap. Just as my eyes start to close, I hear a soft knock on my door. I open my eyes and my jaw drops. Everyone is here, the whole team. And there in front of me, holding the World Cup trophy, was my beautiful Tobin Heath. God, am I ever going to stop crying?

“I thought it would be better to respond to your text in person.” She says, pulling the chair to my bedside and hands the trophy off to Carli. She takes my hand and reaches in for a soft kiss. “Everybody wanted to come see you before the rest of this crazy train of stuff we’re supposed to do. The team is here for the afternoon but I got the okay to stay the night and fly out in the morning.” I can’t help it, the ugly sobs come out.

“Eeebs, what’s wrong? Where does it hurt?” She’s scanning me with a worried look, searching for some physical ailment.

“I-I’m just so happy. I missed you so much.” And now it’s uncontrollable. I’m a blubbering mess in front of the whole team.

“We can come back in a little while.” Cheney says, giving me a small smile.

“No, no, no, no!” I shake my head, almost violently. “I want you all here, I want to hear everything!” Trying to speak without crying.

Tobin climbs into my bed, next to me and lays my head on her shoulder and Alyssa sits cross-legged at the end of the bed. Kling stands in front of the group.

“What do you want to hear about first? Carli breaking the ice bath record? Kelley swearing like a sailor during the Germany game? Abby getting locked inside her room? Or Heather falling asleep in the middle of an interview?” Kling smiles an evil smile.

“I did not! Not really.” I hear HAO retort.

I snuggled in closer to Tobin, as much as I could with my whole leg still immobilized in a brace. Her steady breathing soothes me, like it always has. I look at Kling.

“Like knocked out asleep? Did she fall out of her chair? Is there video evidence?” I giggle as Kling launches into the story.

For the first time in a long time, I feel at peace. My team won, my girl is back, everything is right with the world. But for how long?


	6. Six

**2016**

I made a promise to myself when I finally got to leave the hospital. I promised myself I was going to walk on my own two feet by the time of the Thorns' home opener in 2016. I didn't keep that promise. Six months later and I'm finally beginning the transition out of my wheelchair and into crutches. But I was going to the game, my mind was made up. I hadn't been back to Providence Park since the accident and I needed to be able to stop associating it with my accident.

They were playing Chicago, which was nice because I hadn't seen Alyssa in quite a while. Coach Parsons had arranged it with everyone so that I could follow the team in from the tunnel. Tobin was going to push my wheelchair.

"Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for! Your. Portland. THORNS!" And the crowd roared as the players walked out. When they settled just a little the announcer came back on. "We have a special treat tonight for all our guests and players. Someone has finally made her way back to us. Please stand and give a round of applause to EB Grace!" It was amazing, the sounds from the crowd were wonderful. I waved, smiled, and tried my best not to cry (I failed, there were a lot of tears). When we made it to the sideline, the team presented me with a bouquet of roses. I waved one last time as Tobin wheeled me over to the bench, planting a kiss on my temple.

"I love you. This whole team loves you. Portland loves you." She said, beaming.

The Thorns went on to win 2-0. Alyssa came over to see me after the game. She wrapped me up in a big hug and ruffled my hair.

"How ya doing, Eebs? Feeling alright?"

"Probably better than you, my team just won!" I laughed at her. She rolled her eyes and smacked me on the shoulder.

"Just you wait til you're on our turf."

I know she didn't think about the way that sounded to me. She would immediately have felt horrible and would apologize profusely. _Well, who knows when that'll be? And will be a player or in the stands?_ I try to hide my building frustration.

*******

"T, I'm fine! Let me do it myself!" I'm exasperated. Tobin has just brought me home from one of the most painful physical therapy appointment so far, both physically and mentally. I've had some setbacks in my recovery and I'm not handling it very well. I just wanted to get into my bed and take a nap. We made it to my house and the small set of stairs from the driveway to my door. Tobin automatically reached to help me up and I snapped at her. "Just leave me alone, please."

"Babe, what's wrong?" She looked at me, confused.

"Everything!” I spun around, glaring at her. “My doctor said I should be much farther ahead in my recovery than I am. And because of my reaction to that news, he recommended seeing a sport psychologist. Another doctor, awesome. My leg is so sore, I can barely move. All I want to do is get in my bed and sleep for the rest of this awful day."

"EB, everything is going to be okay! We can get through this." Her blind optimism was really starting to get on my nerves. I know she's trying to help but right now I don't want her help.

"We? Who is we? Tobin, is your leg hurt too? Are you being told to come to terms about your career probably being over? No, it's not. You try but you can't understand what's happening, you just can't."

"Explain it to me then. I don't want you to go through this alone, I'm here." She is so sincere, I just can't hear it right now.

"You couldn't possibly understand. Talk to me when you've had your career ruined by a drunk driver. Just go home, I don't want to talk anymore." I turn away form her and walk in my apartment, closing the door on her.

Just as I'm laying down in my bed, a get a text.

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: Call me if you want to talk. I'm leaving tomorrow night for camp but I can come by before I go. I love you.

I just want to chuck my phone across the room. Camp. Olympic team camp, that is. Another major tournament I'll miss. I pick my phone up and send a message back before turning my phone off and pulling my comforter over my head.

**EB** : Don't bother.

*******

I wish I could say I was getting better at controlling my emotions but it's just not true. I wish I felt bad about shutting Tobin and the rest of my friends out, but I don't. It's hard to be happy for them when I'm feeling so crappy. I want to be excited to watch them play in Rio in a few weeks, but I’m not. 

I hate shutting Tobin out the most. She's been my best friend for most of my life. She's been there for all the highs and lows and everything in between. All of our conversations since I blew up on her have been one-sided. Her confiding in me, telling me all about her days, her off days at practice, and how many people she nutmegged that day. Most of my responses were short, sometimes just one word. I can't figure out how convey what I'm thinking without probably pissing someone off.

The team leaves for the Olympics in two days. I told Tobin to come spend the night before she left, hoping I could make up for how I've been treating her. She let herself in with her key, swallowed me in a hug from behind my spot on the couch and left a kiss on the top of my head.

"I missed you. Are you doing okay? Can I get you anything?" She asked. I can tell she's walking on eggshells but is trying not to show it. 

"I missed you too, Tobs." I reach up to hold her hand. "Come sit. I ordered pizza."

She walks around the couch and lays down next to me, her head resting on the thigh of my good leg. "Are you gonna watch the opening ceremony? They said it's supposed to be pretty cool." I don’t think she felt my body stiffen at her words and continued on.

“The outfits we have to wear are hideous, of course. Why is it so hard for Ralph Lauren to make something a little less crazy?”

“At least you’re going to be there.” I say flatly.

“Shit. Eebs, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“Doesn’t seem like anyone thinks before they speak anymore.” Obviously I’m putting myself in this too but she doesn’t know that.

She reaches and gives my leg a squeeze. “2020 is going to be your year.”

“Oh, so you’ve already decided 2019 won’t be? I’ll miss out on another World Cup? Did you become a psychic and not tell me?”

“EB, I’m trying to be supportive.”

“Well, you’re not doing a very good job.” I snap at her.

“Do you even want me here?” She says, and I can hear the hurt in her voice. “I can go. I just wanted to hang out before I leave for three weeks.”

“Maybe you should go. We need a break.” I sigh.

“Okay, you’re right. Let’s take a break, you want me to go get some ice cream for us?”

“No, Tobs. A break from us.” I can’t even look her in the eye.


	7. Seven

_"A break from us."_

Here's the thing about Tobin. She's so easy to love. She doesn't sugarcoat anything but she also doesn't lay down the hammer. She has a way of putting everyone around her at ease, without really even trying. And don't even get me started on that smile. That smile that could brighten even the darkest of rooms. She is the most unselfish person I've ever met. She can be content with an assist, even if she is upset about missing a goal. She does all she can to lift others up and prefers to stay in the background. Never one for the spotlight, all she's ever wanted to do is play soccer, whether that's on the world stage or in her backyard, it doesn't matter to her. Tobin is the person everyone wants to be around and the player everyone wants to be like.

Which is why the look on her face is so heartbreaking. She's not shocked or angry, but so, so sad. And I put that look on her face, hiding away that beautiful smile, I blew out the candle that was her ever present optimism.

"What?" She's trembling.

"I think we should take some time apart. I'm not in a good place mentally and I'm bringing you down with me." I can't bear to meet her eyes.

"Are you kidding me? EB, I want to be here, I want to help, I want you. For better or worse, I'm here for you. I'm always here for you." She sounds incredulous. "Instead of you bringing me down, why can't I pull you UP? Let me help you, please."

I can feel hot tears threatening to burst through but I do my best to hold it together. "Tobs, I don't want you worrying about me while you're gone. I know that if I called you, you'd be on the first plane home and I would feel so incredibly guilty. I can't be your distraction, you need to focus."

"You think I'll be able to focus better with you OUT of my life? Did you hit your head again? You aren't a distraction, you're my rock. I need you with me. I want you with me." She's pleading now and I wish I could take it all back, but I have to let her go.

"You'd eventually leave anyways. After spending time being yelled at and belittled by your ailing girlfriend, there's no way you'd stick around. And I would be crushed watching you suffer at my hands. Tobs, I'm not getting better. I'll never play soccer again. And I know we'd grow to resent each other over that fact alone." I still can't look her in the eye.

"Bullshit." She never curses in front of me. "I know you better than you know yourself. There's no way you'd give up. I know you'll play again. The World Cup, the Olympics, the NWSL? I know you'll get back there. And I want to be there when you do." Now she's the one blinking back tears.

"Tobin, you need to go."

"No. I'm not leaving you. I'll call Jill right now and tell her I'm not coming."

"See? Already you're throwing your career out the window for ME. I can't let you do that, I won't let you do that."

"EB, I would move mountains for you. I'd give up everything I have in this world for you. To make you happy, to keep you safe. Why won't you let me help you?" She reaches for my hand.

"I need you to leave. Please, this is just as hard for me."

"EB—"

"Tobin, get out!" I yell at her. "Leave, now!" I've never spoken to her like that, not in our nearly 15 years of friendship. The words taste like poison dripping from my lips. When I finally pluck up the courage to look at her, my heart breaks all over again. The tears are free flowing now from her eyes.

Wordlessly, she walks out the front door and I can't stop the sobs.

***

**Uncle Naeher:** Call me if you want to talk. Tobs told me already.

**Uncle Naeher:** I mean it EB.

**Kelley** : Egg, despite what Hope says, I'm a very good listener.

**Alex** : When I get home, we're talking about this. No if, ands, or buts about it.

**Kling** : It'll be okay.

**JJ** : ❤️

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: For the record, I don't accept this. I love you. Always have, always will.

I can't answer any of their messages. I can't face what I've done. I know it will be for the better, even if it's crushing me now.

I leave my phone at home and call a hospital shuttle to take me to PT. The nurse came and helped me out of the car and into my wheelchair.

"Alright Ms. Grace. Time to say goodbye to the chair. You are finally ready for the crutches now!"

I should be jumping for joy, shouting it from the rooftops. But I can't, because the person I wanted to tell most was half a world away and I kicked her out my house.

"That's great, doc! How do we start?"

After the session, I hobbled out of the office on crutches. That much closer to walking and I am ecstatic.

When I get home I see I've gotten messages from every single one of my national team teammates. Ranging from Alex's veiled threats if I don't talk to her to Sonnett sending me a bunch of memes. I smiled to myself and sent one message to the whole team.

**EB** : Good luck everyone, I'll be watching!

***

They played terribly. Watching the Sweden game was really hard, I almost turned it off multiple times. Watching Tobin was really hard, I could tell she was pushing through all the pain I had caused her. She played well but... differently. More aggressive and less creative and I know that's on me. I want to call her and tell her everything will be alright, that it's not the end of the world. But that's not my place anymore. I wish I could see that smile return to her face, but I know she will be down herself for quite awhile. Taking the loss on her back as if it was all her fault. I just want to hold her.

Just as she promised, Alex barged through my door within days of returning to the states, with reinforcements. She brought Alyssa, Kelley, and JJ with her. I regret giving her a spare key.

"Start from the beginning." She says as she sits down on the opposite end of the couch from me. "We ordered food so we'll be here awhile."

And so I did. All the agonizing details. Alex listens intently, Kelley sits cross-legged on the floor, picking at her nails, a nervous habit of hers. JJ lets me lean on her and holds my hand. Alyssa busied herself, starting to clean up. That's her nervous tell, she can't sit still. But I let her, she's already got the broom out. I know she's listening though, she stops every once in a while to check in. When I finished, JJ squeezed my hand and started running her free hand through my hair in calming motions.

"It's all going to be okay." She whispers in my ear.

"So, let me get this straight. You pushed Tobin away because you thought she could do better without you? Without you bringing her down?"

I nodded.

"Well that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard."

"ALEX!" The other three shout in unison, including Alyssa from the kitchen.

"Look, I'm sorry but you need to hear it. Tobin wants to be here, she cares about you and doesn't care if you're depressed and mean. EB, she's in it for the long haul and you know it."

"That doesn't matter Al, I wouldn't know how to live with myself knowing I was holding her back from a better, easier life. She doesn't deserve to be saddled with a cripple for the rest of her life. I know she wants to be here now but I also know she'd regret it eventually. I'm just saving her all that wasted time." I try to steel my resolve, to show her I'm not backing down.

"EB, if you don't make this right, you could lose her forever. Since you didn't talk to her at all during the tournament she started confiding in other people." Kelley snaps her head to look up at Alex, incredulously. Alex is trying to drop a hint but I choose to ignore it.

"If that's what she wants, then I want it for her."

"So you'd be okay watching her date someone else? Watching her moving on?" I squeeze Julie's hand tight, but give my practiced answer.

"If that's what she wants, then I want it for her." I repeat.

"I call bullshit." She dares me.

"What the hell do you want me to say, Al? That I love her with everything inside me? That I planned to marry her someday? That when I told her to get out, I wanted to take it back the second she left? Cause, yes, I believe all those things. But we can't always get what we want."

"But you had it! I just can't understand how you could give away something you BOTH wanted. I know you want to fix this and I want to help."

"Maybe it's not something for you to understand. You can't help, Alex. As much you want, this isn't something you can change. My mind is made up." And she decides to drop it, for now.

A few hours later, most of them spent eating pizza and making small talk. I had missed this, even if it wasn't under the circumstances I would hope. Eventually, Alex, Kelley, and JJ have to leave. They have commitments in the morning and need to rest. But Alyssa is hell bent on sticking around, shooing the others off. She comes back and sits next to me on the couch.

"Do you remember your first senior team camp?" She asks, quietly.

"Of course, I sucked. I missed tackles left and right and accidentally kicked a ball in Jill's face. I was mortified, I thought I'd never get another chance. But I don't know what that has to do with anything."

"Do you know why you got a second chance? Because Tobs called Jill when we left and told her that was not a real showing of all you could do. She begged Jill to give you a second chance, to give it another look. She called everyday until Jill said okay."

My eyes go wide. "What? She never—"

"Of course she didn't tell you. Because she knew you'd be pissed that she went behind your back. But it worked, didn't it? Your second camp you were unstoppable. You showed Jill that T was right, that she could bet on you."

"Why are you telling me this?" My eyes are threatening to open the floodgates once again. She motions for my to sit with her, where she wraps her arm around me, reassuringly.

"Because she sees the things you can't. Or the things you might not want to see. When I tell you she is so incredibly sure that you will play again, I mean it. She practically jumped down a reporter's throat at the Olympics when he asked about what you will be doing once you recover, since your soccer career was done. I know she can be your fiercest critic sometimes but I also know that's she's your biggest cheerleader. She believes in you so much, but you won't let her. Even if you think you shouldn't be in a relationship anymore, that's your prerogative, even if I think it's stupid. But don't shut her out, let her be your friend. She needs you as much as you need her." I just bury my head in her shoulder and cry, and she lets me.

***

I try my best to open back up to her. It's been weeks once we've seen each other and we don't speak nearly as much, but I'm trying.

I finally understood what Alex was saying too. It became apparent that Tobin and Christen were getting closer than ever. I don't know if they're dating but I'm sure they're on their way to it. I repeat my mantra to myself whenever I think about it. _"If it's what she wants, then I want it for her."_

My therapy is going quite well now, my leg is getting much stronger and I'm working my way up to use a cane. The next step from there is walking. It still seems like it's miles away, but it's something to hang on to.

With NWSL playoff time coming around, I didn't get to see much of anyone. Except Lindsey and Emily. Even though I know she technically picked Tobin's side in the break-up (I wouldn't have expected anything less) but Lindsey still came by every once in a while. Sonnett and I had grown very close, she was new to Portland and needed a friend just as badly as I did. Having her bright personality around was a much needed change in my life. She always had new songs and dances to show off or a story from practice or reprimanding Lindsey for paying $13 for avocado toast.

"I mean, really Linds? All the ingredients together wouldn't cost that much. I can teach you how to make it at home."

"It's just not the same!" Lindsey complains.

"Linds, you know she's right." I wink at her.

It's nice to smile again. It feel like it's been forever. Like working a muscle that hasn't been used in a long time.

"So I already told Alyssa and Alex but guess what?" I tease them. "Next week I'm off crutches! Onto a cane! Doc says if that goes well, early next year I could be running again!"

Sonnett jumps on the couch and Lindsey screams of joy. "EB, that's incredible! You're incredible! I knew you could do it! Everyone knew!" Lindsey comes over and wraps me in a bear hug. Sonnett comes in from the other side. They hold me in their grip for a minute before releasing me. Lindsey sits down next to me.

"Hey, EB?" She asks quietly. "Can we tell Tobin? She asks about you all the time."

My breath hitches a little at the idea, at the mention of her name. But I know it has to be done. Like Alyssa said that night, I can't keep shutting her out.

"Yeah, Linds. You can tell her.”


	8. Eight

Thanksgiving. The time for family and friends to gather and give thanks for everything in our lives. I have so much to be thankful for this year, my recovery, my family and friends, but I don't feel like celebrating. My family was visiting my sister in Texas, she had just got engaged. I had been invited but I didn't want to miss PT, I was so close to walking, I didn't want to miss a single day. My parents said they absolutely understood, though my mom's voice was a little strained. I didn't want to be the dark cloud over Anna's shining moment.

I turned down another Thanksgiving invite. Ali and Ash were having people from the team for the weekend at their home in Florida, a Friendsgiving of sorts. I would love to go, some of the girls I hadn't seen in quite a while. But I was petrified of seeing Tobin, especially with Christen, as well as the coddling and constant hovering I can imagine from Ali and Alex. It just seems best for me to stay here in Portland on my own. There's a diner, just a short walk down the street from my house, that serves on Thanksgiving. You can never go wrong with a burger and fries.

***

On the day, I spent the morning watching the parade, texting my sister and Sonnett about all the crazy floats. All of the sudden, someone's knocking hard on my door, it startles me. I get off the couch and hobble towards the door, but there was no need. Whoever it was, they had a key. My heart stopped for a moment, thinking it could be Tobin. But alas...

"Where's your suitcase?" She said as she barged in.

Becky Sauerbrunn. The (wo)man, the myth, the legend. She's here as reinforcement. She charged through the door and started making her way towards the back of the house, where my bedroom was, not even bothering to stop and explain herself.

"Becky? What's going on, why are you here? Is everything okay?" I start making my way towards her.

"Yes, EB. Something is very wrong. Did you really think we'd let you sit here, by yourself, and wallow? You obviously don't know me or Alex as well as you think. We have a plane to catch, get packing." She looks at me briefly before going back to pulling clothes out of my closet.

"Becky, I'm not going. I can't." I'm still a bit dumbfounded that she's here. "Where did you get a key?" But I already know the answer.

"Alex. She's worried about you, we all are. You can and you will come with me. Where's your toiletry bag?" And now she's in my bathroom. "You might as well start getting dressed. And please shower, we have to sit together on this flight and I have a sensitive nose."

My mouth just gapes. "Who knows you're here? Is this like a surprise or is everyone in on it?"

"Alex, Lys, Sonnett and myself." _Sonnett_.

"I was literally just texting Sonnett! Why didn't she tell me you were coming?"

"I've learned that the element of surprise always works better." She looks up and winks at me. "Now, get in the shower."

***

About two hours later, we were boarding our flight to Orlando. Becky had threatened to throw me over her shoulder if I didn't come willingly. So I do, because I know she could and would do just that. We find our seats and the plane takes off. I spend almost the entire flight just staring out the window. At some point, Becky puts her hand on my shoulder.

"EB, it's going to be okay, I promise. We'll laugh, we'll eat, we'll drink, it's going to be fun." Her tone is light and sympathetic.

"How can you be sure? I'm a mess."

"You're not a mess, EB. You're depressed and hurting. The best thing for you is to be around people that love you. And yes, that includes Tobin. Believe it or not, she's hurting too."

"I thought she was with Christen now?" I ask, not in a jealous way, more just out of curiosity.

"Yes, I believe they are together. But that doesn't mean she's not hurting. I think she masks it a lot better than you, it's a lot easier to hide behind that obnoxiously large smile." Becky jokes. "But you guys need to find a way to be around each other. You are friends, first and foremost. You were friends for a long time before dating, you can't throw that away."

"I don't want to. I just wish everything could go back to normal."

"You have a new normal right now. And soon you'll be back full time, I know it."

"Alyssa told me Tobs believes that too. What makes you so sure I can get back into that kind of shape?"

"Because I know you, just like Tobin does. You have worked hard for everything you've achieved, nothing given. You are a fighter and that 2019 World Cup is looming. You have this huge support system to help pull you back from the cliff. I'll work with you whenever I can if you need it. And I know of at least 30 other people that would say the same thing. I know you want it, it's just going to be hard. You're going to be okay, you're going to make it, I promise." She gives my shoulder a squeeze and the pilot announces that we were beginning our descent.

"Such sage advice from Captain Broon. How am I deserving of such an honor?"

"I don't want to have that talk in front of Sonnett, she gets weird googly-eyes." And I crack up.

When we disembark, someone is here to pick us up. I can tell because there's a giant sign in the kiss and cry area.

"THANK GOD YOU'RE ALIVE AND THE PLANE DIDN'T CRASH" with a thumbs up sign. Sonnett. _Sonnett_.

Becky rolls her eyes and we walk to Sonny. Becky is like, Sonny's idol so I'm sure her part in this whole elaborate scheme was simply out of admiration.

"EB! You're here! And you look amazing..."

"Nice try, Son. I'm still mad at you. Couldn't have given me a heads up?" I roll my eyes dramatically at her.

"You would have run away!" She reasons with me.

"And I should be afforded that chance!" I say in mock indignation, while wrapping her up in a headlock and giving her a noogie.

"Uncle, uncle!" She cries.

"Oh, Sonny. Alyssa can't save you now!" I cackle. Becky just looks on, shaking her head.

"Alright, let's go children." And she takes off toward the exit doors.

***

When we arrive at Ali and Ash's place, we are greeted by squeals and screams. Alex comes rushing out first, crashing into me with tight hug, taking a moment to whisper in my ear. "We're ALL glad you're here." Emphasizing "all" before pulling away.

Next, I'm bombarded by the young'uns. Mal and Rose scream and run at me. Sam, the ever present voice of reason in their clique, throws out a "mom arm".

"Guys, don't break her!" I look up (high up) at Sam, grateful.

Ali was so happy to see me, but then she immediately switched into hostess mode, running off to add a place setting and making sure there was a place for me to sleep. Ash just shrugged and hugged me tight.

"It's good to have you back, sis. Now we can talk about your hair, why are you letting your roots grow out? Is that your natural color? We're fixing it this weekend." I knock her with my cane.

She ushers me inside to the living room where I can rest for a few minutes with my leg elevated. I plop down on one end of the couch. Just as my eyes start to droop, I hear someone walking down the stairs, loudly.

"Egg! Holy shit, you're here! Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know myself until Becky basically dragged me out of my house and onto the plane."

Kelley joins me on the couch, giving one of her world class hugs. She sit there for a minute in silence before speaking up again.

"Have you seen Rose and Sonnett's new dance? I know they'd love to do a live performance. SONNETT! Get your butt in here and bring Rose."

"Well geez, Kel, I could have done that." I laugh.

Sonnett and Rose entered the sunken living room, bringing a pack of other women with them. Crystal, JJ, Lindsey, Sam, and _Tobin_. Sam sits on the other side of me, rolling her eyes, she's most likely sees this 20 times already today. The rest all join, sitting in or on the other furniture around the room. Tobin, however, chose to remain standing, leaning against the threshold of the door. I swear I can feel her eyes boring into the back of my head. And now that Ash said it, I feeling a bit self-conscious about my hair!

I don't turn around, my attention rapt on the dance concert happening in front of me, hoping I don't look stiff.

"Brava! Brava! Someone get me something to throw at them!" Sam tosses me a pillow and I hurl it at Sonnett.

"And to think I was gonna be nice the gimp, NOT ANYMORE!" And she pretends to lunge at me.

"Okay everyone! Dinner is served!" Ali announces and everyone scrambles.

It take me a moment to pull myself up off the couch. Just when I start to lose my grip, there's a hand reaching out to grab me and pull me up.

"Geez, you've gotten heavy!" Tobin jokes. "No Dawn-approved meals for you, huh?

"You've always had good hands." I immediately feel my face go scarlet. "I didn't mean... Not like, in that way." I can't believe I just did that.

"EB, calm down. I knew what you meant." She rubs my arm gently, trying to relax me.

"Hey, Tob— oh, I'm sorry." Christen walked into the room, surely to bring Tobin to the table, and walked into our private moment. 

But Tobin doesn't pull away immediately. She gently rubs my arm one more time. "We're coming, Chris. Just had to help ol' gimpy here." She smiles.

"Hey, I have a cane and I'm not afraid to use it!"

***

Dinner was wonderful. I laughed and smiled more tonight than than I had in nearly a year. I'm willing to bet Ali would be very methodical about a table setting, and everything was intentional, including sandwiching me between Alyssa and Becky, in case I tried to bolt. Dinner had it all, singing, upper-body dancing, a small food fight (though I still maintain Allie hit herself with the roll) and a chugging contest. Kelley and Ash battled hard but Kelley claimed sweet victory.

After dinner, there were desserts and drinks outside on the patio. Their yard was very spacious, which led to Lindsey picking up a ball and turning to everyone else?

"Anyone up for some footy?"

Ali and Ash captained the teams, Allie and I had been named coaches, and Sonnett had been tapped for ref.

"Sam, can you work on getting taller? In the box I need you to grow another 6 inches. Hop to it." I give an ass pat for good luck.

As they were playing, Moe (who's on my team) slipped on wet grass with no one else around. "Referee, referee! Foul, red card!" I gesture at Moe, who was giggling.

"Get her Crystal! Take her down! Cut her off at the knees!"

"Rose, go down! Stay down." Rose had tripped on rock and was laughing hysterically. "Referee! You're missing calls left and right!"

We stayed like this for what felt like hours. Everyone laughing and joking with one another, having a wonderful time. Don't think I wasn't paying attention to a certain brunette though.

"Referee! Tobin is getting in Abby's way! I call foul!" Tobin whipped around and flashed a devious smile.

Finally, everyone began to collapse in laughter and exhaustion. While they were recovering, Ali brought out chairs to go around the fire pit and I helped by bringing out s'mores ingredients.

"Ah, finally! Sustenance!" Ashlyn comes barreling over to us. "I'm famished!"

We all sit around the fire, swapping stories and jokes. There was a heavy debate over charred marshmallows versus golden brown. I say the perfect marshmallow requires time and precision. Kelley, however, argued hard for her side. The decision was split down the middle, we would have to reconvene soon to come to a verdict.

One by one, people started setting off to bed, some into the house, others to a nearby hotel. As she left, Ali stopped to tell me where I'd be sleeping, in the guest room on the first floor near the front door. Another thing that was certainly intentional, making it so I didn't have to climb any stairs. She really is awesome. Soon, it was down to me, Alex, and Tobin. Christen has left a little while ago, citing the need for evening mediation, and she had given Tobin a squeeze from behind before leaving. She made eye contact with me as she left and I honestly couldn't tell if it was a possessive or sympathetic look. I choose to believe the latter, for my own sake.

Alex stayed out with us for a while longer, seeming to serve as the facilitator of conversation. But eventually, she decided to leave. She said it was cause she wanted to call Servando, but it was a thinly veiled attempt to leave Tobin and I together. We sat on opposite sides of the fire, both of us stretching our legs onto the bricks that surrounded it.

"Tell your sister congratulations from me, that exciting. When's the wedding?" She asks, and I can tell she wants to make light conversation.

"Oh my god, she is so excited. I think they're getting married next fall. But Tobs, you can still call her and congratulate her, I'm sure she'd love to hear from you." I silently reassure her that just because I broke up with her doesn't mean my family did. My dad always loved Tobin like a daughter and my sister would bond with her over making fun of me.

"Good to know." She says quietly. "How have you been? I've wanted to stop by a couple times but I've been spending a lot of time in Chicago with Chris." She looks at me, judging my facial expression. "And I wasn't sure if you'd want me there." And there it is, I knew we'd get here eventually.

"Tobs, you're welcome anytime. I miss seeing you all the time. Though, Chicago is a pretty cool city." I smile at her, letting her know she's not doing anything wrong by telling me about Christen.

"I miss you too, EB. More than you can even imagine."


	9. Nine

_"More than you can even imagine."_

I could imagine though. Maybe even more than she realizes. I miss her so much it hurts, it really hurts. Sometimes when I see a photo or video of her, there's a physical ache in my chest. I'm not sure if I ever really believed in the idea of being "heartbroken" or "lovesick" before now. That losing someone you love could have that kind of effect on your body. I guess it's something you can't anticipate, something you can't plan for, until it happens. I am heartbroken. Seeing her, talking to her, it hurts. But not being around her hurts even more. I just look at her from across the fire pit, her shoes propped up against the bricks, nervously fiddling with the strings on her hoodie.

"I could take a guess." I say quietly, maybe too quiet for her to hear, even as the fire was dying down.

A moment later, she stands. Did I say something to upset her? But she simply moves to sit in the chair next to me, taking my hand in hers for a brief second and giving it a squeeze. And we sit like that for a while, silently. When the fire finally dies, she stands again and offers me her hand.

"We should get to bed, I'll help you to your room." I should say no. Say that I'm perfectly capable of finding my way back to my room. But I don't. I should have taken my hand back from hers, but I don't. She leads me inside and down the hallway towards my room. The house is silent, everyone gone off to bed long ago, but something in the air feels charged. She opens the door to my room and follows me in.

She's still sitting on my bed when I come out of the bathroom after changing into my sweats. I'm caught off-guard, causing me to stumble backwards, catching myself on the dresser. Tobin immediately bolts to my side, helping to steady me. I should have smacked her hand away, she doesn't have to help me, but I don't. She helps me to the bed, sitting down beside me.

"Thank you." It's barely a whisper.

She reaches out to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. "I'm so glad you came this weekend, EB. I haven't seen you so happy in a long time." _Happy_.

And then there's that smile. One I haven't seen in so long, too long. So big it seems to swallow the rest of her face. I lean my head on her shoulder and it's a perfect fit, like we're two puzzle pieces that fit together. I look up at her, trying to figure out what she's thinking. She's calm now, taking slow, relaxed breaths and it's helping me do the same. I'm not sure what it is we're doing right now but I don't want to question it. Don't want to burst this tiny bubble that we've found ourselves in tonight. Slowly, she turns to look at me and then suddenly, her lips are inches from mine.

What happens next is something that will be seared into my brain forever. I close the distance, grabbing at her shirt and crash my lips on hers. I know it's my fault we're not together anymore but I need this. I need her. I bring my hands up to cup her face and she leans into me, her tongue demanding access, as if I could refuse her. She continues to lean into me until I'm falling back onto the bed, putting her on top of me. My hands move from her head to her hips, taking hold to give me some kind of anchor. One of her hands moves to cup my face, her thumb brushing against my cheek. The other stays planted on the bed, keeping her balanced above us. How could I have let this go? Let her go? Right now I don't think I could breathe on my own without her. My hands start to play with the hem of her shirt, slowly sliding them underneath, exploring her. I can feel her breath hitch, emboldening me. Knowing that I can still have this effect on her, it feels right.

Tobin pulls away, beginning to pepper my neck with small kisses and nips with her teeth, making me moan. My hands are sliding farther and farther under her clothes, I can feel the elastic of her bra on the tips of my fingers.

"Oh god, Tobin. Don't stop, please." Tilting my head, giving her as much access as I can. I'm starting to pant now, the feeling in my core building. I start lowering my hands back to her hips, dusting my fingers along the edge of her jeans. I reach to undo the buttons, sliding inside.

"EB..." now she's the one moaning.

All of the sudden, there's a loud creak coming from upstairs. Someone else is still awake. We spring apart, both of us breathing heavily. She looks at me, part of her still wanting more but the other part guilty, Christen is upstairs.

"I have to go." She says shortly.

"Tobin, please..." I reach out for her hand.

"EB, I have to go. Christen." It's not even a full sentence but the meaning is glaringly obvious. She is with Christen, not me. She was sharing a room with Christen, not me. Christen has been there, not me. And so she walks out of the room, closing the door behind her.

***

In the morning, Ali created a huge brunch buffet for us on the back patio. Ash said she helped but I'm assuming her "helping" is making sure the mimosas are 99% champagne. 

People had been filing out over the past 10-15 minutes but I stay behind for a few minutes in the kitchen, alone. I watched her walk outside, holding Christen's hand. Thankfully she didn't see me or the tear that had fallen from my eye.

"EB?" I jump. It's Ali. "Are you okay?"

I quickly wipe away at my eye. "Yeah, of course! This food looks great. Do you need any help?"

She sees right through me. "EB, it's going to get better. Take it from someone whose been there. Hell, I'm still there." She comes over and wraps me in a tight hug. She thinks this is just about my injury. Of course she does, she never pushed Ash out of her life like I did to Tobin. I take a deep breath and steel myself to walk outside.

This time, Tobin does see me. We make meaningful eye contact and she lets go of Christen's hand. She immediately bends down, pretending to tie her shoelaces. I make myself a plate of food and settle in a chair next to Alyssa. She nods, wordlessly. Something she's always been the best at, communicating just what you need to hear without actually saying anything.

Soon enough, it's time to head back home. However, Becky isn't flying back with me this time. Instead I'm joined by Sonnett and Lindsey on our way back to Portland. I overhear Christen say Tobin is coming to spend some off time in Chicago. That's probably for the best.

"Eebs! Let's get this show on the road!" I hear Sonnett yell from outside. I go to grab my bag from the room and I stop dead. There's Tobin, sitting on the bed.

"Hey."

"Tobin..."

"EB, I'm sorry. About last night, that shouldn't have happened. You told me to stay away..."

"Tobs." I stop her before she can start rambling. "Last night, I wanted that. I wanted more than that, even. So, don't apologize. It's my fault, I told you to stay away. I knew what was upstairs." I lower my voice. "And I'd do it again. That scares me, Tobs." She pulls me toward her, wrapping her arms around me. "I want to so bad, but I can't. Not anymore." It takes me a moment to realize she's crying too. I start to feel the wetness from her tears on my shirt.

"EB..." she squeezes me tight.

"I have to go." Deja vu anyone? I try to pull us apart. "Please, Toby." She immediately looks up at me, those giant brown eyes watery.

"You're the only person that's allowed to call me that, you know?" I did know. "EB, when I'm back in Portland..."

"Don't make promises we can't keep, Tobin." She just buries herself back into my shirt. "I'll be there for the home opening. One promise I know I can keep."

Tobin stands and I reach for my bag. Before I can do anything, she takes it from me, throwing it over her shoulder. As I'm turning to lead her out the door, she grabs my arm and spins me back toward her, gaining me one last peck on the lips. One last moment in our tiny bubble that's threatening to burst.

She carries my bag to the car, giving Sonnett and Lindsey last minute goodbye hugs. I hobble down the front walk and into the car. As we pull away, she stands there at the curb, waving us on until we found the corner and suddenly, she's out of sight.


	10. Ten

**2017**

I finally did it. When the Thorns opened their season at home, I was there. I walked out onto the field at half-time as a special guest. _I walked out. On my own. No wheelchair, no crutches, no cane. Just me_. Two years of fighting to get back to normal. Two years of watching from the sidelines. Two years of crying, hiding, and anger. And here I am. I made it. I may not be playing but two years ago I wasn’t sure I’d walk again. It was so overwhelming to look out into the stands, seeing young boys and girls in the stands, even one wearing my jersey. I did my best not to cry, but when I saw my teammates, I lost it. Kling ran over to me, looking like she was about to jump on top of me before thinking and decided against. She did wrap me up in one of her world famous hugs. I saw Tobin walking over to me out of the corner of my eye. We hadn’t really spoken much since thanksgiving in Florida, I don’t think either of us really know what to say. Well, that’s a lie. I know what I want to say. _I love you and I want you back. I want you with me._ But I can’t, she’s with someone else.

When Tobin stands in front of me, it’s like there’s no need for words. She just looks at me, tears welling behind her eyes, and then she holds me. Wrapping her long arms around me, letting my tears stain her jersey.

“I told you so.” She almost giggles in my ear. “You’re the strongest person I know.” I just continue to sob into her shoulder. “Next year, you’ll be back. Lacing up your cleats and ready to play. God, EB, you are so incredible.” She places a kiss on my temple, lingering for a second longer, and squeezes me tight. All I want is to stay in this moment forever.

***

2017 was kind of a blur. I was finally able to start running in PT at the beginning of the year and by August I was cutting and dribbling a ball. My spirits were high and I finally felt like I was getting back to my old self. It was the first time in two years I felt good, felt happy.

I had been given the green light by my physical therapist to start training again. I was working out with the Thorns fitness staff three times a week and the other two days I was getting light work on the field. I had spoken with Mark a lot as well as long conversations with Jill about my playing and my future. We all decided that if I were to make a comeback, it wouldn’t be in the midfield. If I wanted a shot at playing again, especially if I wanted to get called up again to the national team, I would have to start transitioning into a more defensive role. I spent a lot of time working with Kling, Menges, and Sonnett, getting into the mindset and working on my skills.

Tobin has been dealing with back problems since the beginning of the year and hadn’t gotten to play much but she turned up to our mini training sessions. She was traveling back and forth from seeing Christen but she still made time. Even if she couldn’t jump in and play, she always had good advice for me and cheered on the sidelines. Close to the end of the season, she was finally back in fighting shape. Just in time for playoffs.

When the NWSL final came around, I was training pretty much every day. I knew I wouldn’t see the field at all but it felt nice to be back, to be in the middle of the hustle and bustle. Mark even let me travel with the team to the game as moral support. The roar of the crowd was deafening as the team entered the stadium. I’ll never forget the scene in front of me. The sea of red and black, flags waving, and fans cheering. When the game began, I took a seat on the bench and just watched. Tobin moved so freely, like a wild animal that had been freed from its cage. She had been cautious in the semi-final but had really let loose today. She flew around her defenders and battled against them. Just after half, Lindsey scored an incredible goal and the place went crazy.

Close to the end, Tobin was the victim of a sloppy tackle that left her limping. When she didn’t get right up, I stood immediately, trying to gauge her pain. She sees me and waves me off. “I’m okay”, she mouths. I don’t believe her but she jogs off and play continues. The final whistle blows and the crowd roars. They did it. They’re champions. I can see Tobin hugging Lindsey, Sonnett and the others. She give her postgame interviews and accepts the trophy, holding it high over her head. As the chaos starts to die down, she finds me. She walks over, her limp noticeable again, and all but collapses in my arms.

“It hurts. EB, it hurts so bad.” All I can do is hold her. I motion to the athletic trainer, who comes running.

“It’s going to be okay, Toby. We’re going to take care of you.”

***

A few weeks later, Tobin had been scheduled for ankle surgery. Kling was supposed to be bringing her to and from the hospital, helping her get settled. But she called me that day, saying she had some emergency to deal with. I knew she was hiding something but truth be told, I was okay with taking over and getting Tobin settled. Sitting in the hospital waiting room, I can tell how nervous she is. Never one to show outward signs of anxiety, she silently chews on the inside of her cheek and her eyes flit back and forth around the room. I reach over and squeeze her hand.

“Tobs, it’s okay. Relax.” I rub my thumb over her knuckles.

“I am relaxed.” She says through somewhat gritted teeth, but she squeezes my hand tighter.

There’s a question I want to ask but don’t know how I can without sounding like a jealous ex-girlfriend. There’s someone missing from this whole situation and it’s glaringly obvious.

“Tobin, where’s Christen? She doesn’t seem like the kind of person to miss something like this.”

She doesn’t look at me when she answers. “Christen’s gone. We broke up, about a week ago. It wasn’t working out. She had the opportunity for us to be closer together and she didn’t want to.She’s going to Sweden to play.”

“Tobin, I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

She whips around and looks me in the eyes, taking both my hands in hers. “EB, none of this is your fault. Sometimes things just don’t work out, it happens. Besides, nothing compares once you’ve had the real thing.”

“Tob...”

But before I can finish my sentence, she called back by the doctor. I sit with her as she’s prepped, I.V.s put in and monitors attached. Before they give her the anesthesia, she beckons me over to her bedside.

“Toby, you’re not dying. We can talk later.” I smile at her. She looks so small and vulnerable in her bed.

“No but I will be all doped up and not making sense. I just wanted to make sure you know it’s not your fault what happened between me and Chris. You have been through so much lately and still you care more about everyone else. Which is why I knew you’d take over for Kling if she said she had to bail. i needed to have you here with me. I can’t really explain it but I wanted you to be by my side today. I love you, not just as my friend, not just as my teammate. I just wanted you to know that.”

I don’t know what to say. “Are you sure you know you’re not dying?” I try to make a joke.

“I’m sure.” Steady as a rock that Tobin Heath.

“We’ll talk later, okay?” I stroke her hair, leaning over the side of her bed. I lean in closer and whisper in her ear, “I love you too, so much.” I plant a small kiss on her temple before she’s wheeled off.

Her surgery was going to take a few hours so I had time to think about everything she had just said. She and Christen are broken up. _Besides, nothing compares once you’ve had the real thing._ Is she talking about me? Does she really mean it? Would she actually take me back? After all the crap I put her through over the last year and a half, she can’t still really want to be with me. I can’t figure this out on my own, I call Alex.

She listened as I explained everything. “EB, are you okay?”

“Me? Yes, of course I’m okay.” 

“Why are you questioning this, then? It can’t come as a surprise. Well since she made it seem like a dying declaration, I’ll give you a pass. She may have been in a relationship for the past year but you always came first with her, and still do. You are the most important thing in her life. Don’t be stupid and overthink this.”

“But Al—“

“EB, don’t be stupid. I mean it.”

“I’ll try my best.”

“And make sure to get video of her on the laughing gas.” She adds before hanging up on me.

So I sat in the waiting room, watching the minutes tick by on the clock. She’s right though. I love Tobin, Tobin loves me. It should be that simple, it used to be that simple. I sit back and think about the first time I told her I loved her.

_After a particularly grueling practice, Tobin drove us back to my home and helped me out of the car. My back had been killing me after a hard challenge from one of the midfielders. She got the couch all ready for me with a heating pad, blankets, and a pillow. I laid down and she tucked me in._

_“Tobs, I’m not five!” I joke, trying to move and make myself more comfortable. But instead I move too quickly and felt an awful pain in my back. “Ow!” I gasp._

_Tobin is at my side in a second, comforting me. She sits there with me as I’m falling asleep. I’m taking up the entire couch while she sits on the floor by my head._

_Almost dreamily, I whisper in her ear. “You’re such a cute nurse, I love you.” At first, I freeze, realizing what I’d said. But then, she said it back._

_“Well you’re a pretty cute patient, which not many can say. I love you too, EB.” And she leans back, resting her head on the couch cushion. As I fall asleep, I think about how easy that was. That it wasn’t something I had to think about, it just was._

That’s how I feel right now. It’s not something I have to think about. I’m in love with Tobin and it’s time to get her back.


	11. Eleven

"Ms. Grace?" A nurse pokes her head out into the waiting room. "Your wife is out of surgery, everything went perfectly."

_My wife?_ "Thank you so much but she's not my—" but she cuts me off.

"She's asking for you." The nurse smiles at me and I follow her back, thinking about how my heart had soared when she had assumed we were married. How right it seemed, to call her _my wife_. That's something I could get used to hearing, even if it's not true.

Tobin is laying in her hospital bed, leg bandaged up. She looks so peaceful, without any of the stress I saw in her before they wheeled her away. Her hair is splayed around her face, almost like a halo. I lean against the frame of the door, just watching her, until she finally notices me.

She looks at me. "Hey, you're really pretty!" Her eyes look me up and down and she smirks. "You look like my EB, but she's much prettier." I guess this what they meant when they said she'd be doped up.

"Really?" I pull a chair up to her bedside and take her hand. "Tell me more about her."

There's that smile. "Oh, she's only the most beautiful, wonderful awesome person there ever was. She's got really shiny hair and strong muscles. Oh, and she's got the best... Hey, do you have snacks? I'm hungry." Her attention immediately shifts to food. _The best what, Tob?_

"Sorry, Toby. Doc says no snacks for a couple hours."

"Hey, only EB calls me that!” At first she looks mad, as if some stranger thought it was okay to use that nickname. But then she processes, “EB!!" The look on her face when she realizes it's really me is priceless. Her smile is gigantic and her eyes are squinty. "You're here!" She tries to lean over to hug me, getting caught on the wires and the sling her leg is in, causing her to pout. I close the distance, wrapping my arms around her.

"I'm here, baby." I reach over and stroke her hair, tucking some loose pieces behind her ear.

"Did you bring snacks? That fake EB was lame." I can't help but laugh.

"How about this? In a few hours we can go over to my house and I'll make you some snacks, whatever you want. How does that sound?"

"Whatever I want?" I nod, and she smiles. She lays her head back on her pillow, her hand still in mine. "I love you." She lets out a contented sigh.

"I love you too." I whisper, but she's already fallen asleep.

***

As promised, a few hours later I helped her into my house as she babbled nonsensically in my ear about the delicious cheeseburger I'd gotten her. I help her down the hallway to my guest bedroom.

"Can't I stay with you?" She looks at me, half confused and half upset. "I don't want to be alone, that room is creepy." Her eyes are wide.

"Tobs, you've never slept in that room, how would you know?" I giggled.

"Oh I know." She says seriously.

"I guess you can stay with me, then." She hopped down the hallway to my bedroom, immediately climbing into my bed. It was a sight I hadn't seen in two years, her there, on her side of the bed. It was a sight I didn't realize just how much I missed. She looked so comfortable, so at home. It nearly brought me to tears. And then I think back to what the nurse said earlier and smile.

"Well, come on! I need a cuddle buddy!" She beckons me into the bed. I make sure her foot is elevated on a pillow and climb in next to her. She rests her head on my shoulder, drifting in and out of sleep.

Once she was out, I lowered her head onto the pillow and curled in close to her. I wrap my arm around her waist, anchoring her to me. It's not fair. Not to her or to myself, but I can't help it. I rest my head on her chest, listening to that rhythmic breathing. Sharing a bed feels right. There's nothing sexual about what we're doing (what I'm doing) but it feels so good. I snuggle in as close as I could without jostling her and let myself drift off to sleep.

The next morning, I awoke before Tobin. Soon, I'll have to wake her to give her the pain meds. But right now, I just want to stay in this moment. I was wrapped tight around her and I didn't want to ever let her go. I crane my neck to plant a soft kiss to her neck, causing her to squirm a little in her sleep, letting out a small whine. Before I let myself get carried away, I climb out of the bed, careful not to disturb her. I start making breakfast for the both of us. About 30 minutes later, I return to the bedroom.

"Tobin, time to wake up." I say, sitting down on the bed, giving her good leg a squeeze. She groans and makes a face, her eyes still closed. Tobin's never been a morning person, not even once in the 15 years I've known her.

"Five more minutes." She whines.

"Tobs, you have to take your pills. Then you can go back to sleep. But this breakfast I made sure does look tasty." Her eyes snap open, causing me to laugh. "Change your mind?"

She gives me a sarcastic smile. "Only cause of the pancakes. You make the best ones." She starts shoveling pieces into her mouth.

"Whoa there, slow down! I don't want you to choke."

"I'm a big girl, Eebs." She says, barely understandable with her mouth full of pancakes.

"Okay, but you need to take these pills. Don't wait too long or the pain will come back. If you need me, I'll be in the living room." I sit up off the bed and turn to leave the room.

"EB, wait." She says, cautiously. "Please stay." It's not a request, not a demand. I turn back around to her.

"Only if you share." I say and she winks at me. I climb back into the bed next to her and she offers the plate to me. And we sit like that.

For a while, no words are exchanged. We just sit. Eventually I have to break the silence.

"How are you feeling?" _Gosh, EB, real deep question there._

"I'm just fine, nothing compared to what I imagine you went through."

"Tobs, you're allowed to feel pain. You're allowed to be mad, upset, whatever. I'm here for you, and this time I won't leave." Somehow, I've pulled the words out, deciding to find some semblance of bravery deep down inside of me and I meet her eyes. I can feel my hands tremble in my lap, she reaches and takes them in her own. I guess we’re doing this now.

"EB, what do you mean?" Her tone is concerned. Now she's the one that's injured and she still has more concern for me. I can feel the tears starting to well up. Tobin lays the plate on the bedside table and turns back to me. "EB, what's wrong?" She asks, her worry becoming greater, causing the tears to bust through.

"Everything!" Is all I can say, sobbing. Tobin pulls me into her lap, stroking my back in soft circles. "I miss you so much but how could you forgive me? I kicked you out." I cry into her, hard, but she doesn't say a word. She lets me stay like that for what feels like hours. I must have fallen asleep at some point because when I open my eyes, the sun is starting to set. I move to get up and realize she's still under me. I roll over so that I can look up at her, my head resting comfortably in her lap.

She's reading a book she must have found in my bedside drawer and puts it down when she feels me move. She looks down and smiles at me.

"Hey there, sleepyhead." She pushes the hair out of my face. "How are you feeling?"

"You're the one in a cast, I should be asking you." I roll again, this time into her stomach, hiding my face and my embarrassment.

“Well I’m alright.” She strokes my side, calming me down. “Little sore but I think that might be because some oaf fell asleep on top of me.” She giggles at her own joke. “Eebs? EB, look at me.”

I turn, laying flat on my back, looking up at her.

“I would, you know.”

“You would what?” I say, confused.

“Forgive you.” She says, quietly. I suck in a breath, not prepared.

“Well, you shouldn’t.”

“EB, you can’t keep punishing yourself. It’s okay.” Why is she like this? I broke up with her, broke her heart, cut her out, and she’s telling me it’s okay? What did I do in a past life to deserve this beautiful woman? Because, god knows, my actions in this life are deserving of nothing.

“Why? I hurt you.” I sniffle.

“Yeah you did. But you were hurting, you still are. You were trying to help me, in your own way.” She’s running her hands through my hair. “And so, I forgive you. Honestly, I forgave you a long time ago.”

I think I will cherish this moment forever. Thismoment of quiet, just us two. I nuzzle into her, breathing her in. “I miss you, I miss this.” I tell her.

“Miss what? Eating pancakes in bed? You could have done that without me, babe.” I breathe in sharply at the pet name. 

“Shut up. No, this.” I gesture from me to her and back to me. “Us.” And then it happens.

Tobin has the brightest smile out of anyone in the world, there’s no topping it, don’t ever try. But, every once in a awhile, there are moments where it swallows her the rest of her face. There have only been a few times before this moment. Once, when Jill announced that we were playing a nutmeg game at practice and Tobin hosed everyone. And the other time I’d seen it was when I scored my first goal for the national team, a header off a corner kick from a certain forward. In this moment right now, I’m seeing it for the third time. She smiles and leans down, lightly pressing her lips to mine.

“Is this okay?” She pulls away and asks. I don’t respond, I just wrap my hand around the back of her neck, pulling her into me. I swipe my tongue across her lower lip and she obliges. I shift around until, instead of laying across her, now I’m straddling her. I wrap both arms around her neck and pull her as close to me as I possibly could. We stay that way. For a _long_ time. My hands roam her body, retracing every piece of her that I hadn’t been able to touch in over two years. I reach for the hem of her shirt and start to drag it up, but she stops me and pulls away.

“EB...” She’s out of breath. “I smell like a hospital and my leg...”

I lean in and start work on her neck, leaving nips with my teeth. “You smell amazing.” I tell her, kissing my way back up her neck and jaw.

“God, EB.” It’s almost a moan. “I want to, so bad. But not right now, I’m not ready.” I pull away abruptly.

“I’m sorry, Tobs. I just want to show you how much I love and missed you. I’m sorry I pushed you.” I try not to sound disappointed and mad at myself.

She plants her hands on either side of my face. “Elisabeth Grace. Stop saying sorry.” I nod, moving her hands as well. And she smiles that smile again. “So, you kinda love me, huh?” She winks.

I fall forward into her chest, giggling, with my face nestled in the space where her collarbone meets her neck.

“So much, Toby. I love you so much.”


	12. Twelve

Before I know it, it's Christmas, my favorite holiday. Growing up in Virginia we didn't see many white Christmases, usually we'd spend the holidays with my mom's extended family at the beach in North Carolina. When I'm away from the soccer field, the beach is my place. It's where I can find peace, whether I'm with others or sitting in solitude. The crash of the waves relaxes me in ways I can't really explain. Even in Portland, where the beaches aren't great, I find myself walking along the wet sand when I need to decompress.

My family will be headed south on December 23, staying until New Years. Tobin has spent a few Christmases with us over the years and I wish she could be with me now. We hadn't told anyone about us yet, we're still in the beginning of rekindling our relationship, and we wanted to keep it to ourselves a little bit longer. Tobin was spending most of her days recovering at my apartment, where I could keep watch over her and care for her. If left to her own devices, who knows what kind of trouble she might get into. But today she was headed home to New Jersey while I was off to the beach. We booked the same flight from Portland to Norfolk, Virginia and then she would continue on from there.

"EB? Do you know where my hat is?"

"Tobin, you own about 10,000 hats. Please be more specific." I joke as I'm zipping up my suitcase.

"That black one."

I snort. "Okay, we've narrowed it to about 5,000. Good work, Tobs." I wander down the hall to watch her search high and low. just before I made it into the living room, I spotted the black hat peeking out from under the bed in the guest room, the room which Tobin has taken over like the true clothes-horse she is. I pick the hat up off the floor and continued down the hall. She had opened the TV stand cabinets and drawers, checked under the couch, and even started looking through the kitchen cabinets. I walk over to her and close the cabinet behind her, swinging the gate on my index finger.

"Does it look anything like this one?" I smile at her and she hugs me.

"What would I do without you?"

"Go naked, I suppose. Although..." I kiss the side of her neck before pulling away. "Are you ready? We have to leave within the hour."

"All packed, though I think we might be able to find a way to pass the time." She smirks, grabbing my hand and pulling me back into the bedroom. We're definitely going to be late.

***

A few hours later, we boarded the plane. I took the window seat and she took the aisle. She grabbed my hand during take-off, one of the few instances in which one might say Tobin "Hard Chill" Heath was scared, and then I laid my head on her shoulder and dozed off.

What felt like five minutes later, she's shaking me awake. "EB, wake up. We're about to land."

"Five more minutes." I snuggle in closer and she kisses the top of my head.

"You're the one that hates the landing. Which makes no sense, by the way. We're back on the ground, safe."

This perks me up. We argue about this every time we fly together. "I know but it never feels controlled. Just because we're on the ground doesn't mean we're safe! It feels like we are hurtling towards the building and we're going to crash!"

"You've been on how many flights in your life?" She jokes

"Not nearly as many as you and you're a scaredy cat too." Just then, the plane's landing gear dropped and I jump. She laughs at me as I grab her hand and tuck my face behind her shoulder. The plane hits the tarmac and we skid to an eventual stop. Only then do I let out the breath I didn't know I'd been holding.

As we walk through the airport, our hands brush every so often. We'd decided that until our families knew and we were ready, our relationship stayed behind closed doors. God only knows what pictures could be snapped of us. Surely, the fact that we're traveling together would cause enough of a stir. But then we have to separate. Tobin headed to baggage claim and I'm off to my next gate. Before we split off, Tobin pulls me into a tight hug, my arms wrapped around her neck. She places a quick, soft kiss to my temple. Before she pulls away, she looks at me and asks a question.

"Can I tell my family? They'll be so happy, they've missed you almost as much as I did."

I think about it for a second. I had missed Tobin's family a ton. They've always been so welcoming, ever since we were teenagers. Anytime we'd have camps or trainings in New Jersey or New York, they would always invite me to stay with them, even if we weren't allowed. I've always felt close to her siblings, almost as close as I feel with my own sister.

"Of course. I'll make sure mine know too." I smile at her. "I so wish I could kiss you right now."

She giggles, smiling that big smile. "I am pretty cute, I won't lie."

"Yes you are." I give her a little brush on the nose with my index finger. "Now get a move on, don't miss your flight."

"Can we FaceTime tonight?" She asks, picking up her bag.

"Sure! Maybe around 8-9? After dinner."

"See you then, babe." And she turns, heading off toward her gate.

Anna is waiting for me at baggage claim. She gets so excited to see me her hug nearly topples me over. She picks up one of my bags and helps me carry them to the car. The ride to the beach is just under two hours and we spend that time catching up and having our own private concert. When we arrive, I'm greeted by the salt air as I get out of the car. Well, that and my cousins, all ranging from age 4 to 12. My parents waiting at the top of the steps.

It's been quite awhile since I'd been able to get back to the East Coast, so we all have a lot of catching up to do. That night, we're gathered around the the table, all 12 of us. We talk and reminisce, my cousins asking me what it's like to play with _the_ Lindsey Horan and be nutmegged by _the_ Tobin Heath. I can see my mom stiffen just a bit when Tobin's name was mentioned but I respond with a kind smile.

"It's pretty awesome, they're really cool. And who says Tobin has nutmegged me?" This make them laugh.

Later in the evening, when it's just the adults left, mulling over glasses of wine or a beer in the living room, I decide it's time. And before I lose my confidence, I just blurt it out.

"Tobin and I got back together."

My mom nearly drops her glass. Anna puts hers down and jumps on top of me, wrapping me in a bear hug.

"We sat in the car for two hours and you didn't feel the need to share this tidbit with your dear sister?" She feigns shock.

"I'm sorry, I thought I'd just tell everyone at once, I knew you'd shout it from the rooftops as soon as we pulled in." I chuckle.

"And everyone would have loved it. I'm finally getting my favorite sister back!

"Hey!"

"Oh, you know it's true. And Tobs definitely loves me more than you too, minus the sex and stuff." She grins

"ANNA!" My mom shouts at the same time as I do. Anna shrugs and gets up to refill her glass, taking mine as well.

"Honestly EB, it took you guys long enough." She ruffles my hair before walking out of the room.

"Are you two really back together?" My mom asked, seriously.

"Yeah, it happened after her surgery last month. She stayed with me and we both realized how much we missed each other. We're talking about officially living together since she basically lives at my house anyways."

My mom smiles. "You do seem happier than you have in months, years maybe. Why didn't you bring her for the holidays?"

"She hadn't been home to see her parents in a while. But you guys should come out to Portland soon! Season starts in March!"

"I'll mark it on my calendar." She smiles. "But Elisabeth?" She's using my full name, this is serious. "Don't chase her off again. You two love each other, it radiates off of you."

My eyes start to tear until I hear Anna coming back from the kitchen. "What she's saying is, it's time to lock that down! Put a ring on it, we're not getting any younger!"

I gape at her. Not because the idea hadn't crossed my mind, because it has pretty much every day since that nurse assumed we were married. But we had just gotten back together after being apart for a year and a half. "Doesn't that seem fast? It's only been a month."

Anna stops in her tracks. "Are you for real, baby sister? It's been 15 fucking years. You two have been in love for most of your life. Mom said she knew when you were 13 that you were going to marry her. And that was four years before you actually even came out! Stop messing around.”

For the second time, she’s got me at a loss for words. I look over at my mom and she just smiles softly at me. I turn back to my sister, “I’m not ready.” And she rolls her eyes.

“Well I’m sure she’s waiting to call you, cause I assume you guys decided together to tell the fam.” Sometimes I hate how smart she is, like when she aced classes in school while I barely made passing grades.

I smile at her and then at my mom before heading off down the hall to my bedroom.

“Say hi for us!” My mom calls after me.

I plop down on the bed and hit the send button, dialing Tobin. She picks up but I don’t see her on the screen. Instead, I see the inside of her childhood bedroom. The same one I’d spent countless nights sleeping on the floor when we were teenagers, and later spent sharing that bed, which thankfully wasn’t a twin. I could see the Ronaldinho poster that hung above her bed and the tips of the trophies that her mom refuses to throw away.

“Tob? Are you there?”

Her voice sounds distant, like she was in the room but on the far side. “Yes! Sorry babe, I just needed to unpack a few things. How was the rest of your day?”

“Well my sister talked to my mom about us having sex so...” I hear something crash on her end, and then her face pops up on the screen, red with embarrassment.

“She did what?” Her eyes are wide.

“She claimed you love her more than me, ‘minus the sex and stuff’ in her words.” Tobin cackles on the other end.

“So I take you told them?” She turns back to whatever she was doing. “And I’m guessing it went well.”

“They’re so happy. My mom says it’s the happiest I’ve looked in months. See what you do to me?”

“I could do a lot more if we were together.”

“Saucy Tobs, very saucy. Did you tell your parents?”

“Yes, I believe my dad’s exact words were ‘thank God, I couldn’t take you moping any longer.’ So I think that means they’re happy?”

“I think so. Come back over here so I can see you. I miss you.” I know it makes me childish, but I whine. It works though, she picks up her phone and smiles. “There she is, my Toby.” She makes a face, even when it’s me, she hates that nickname.

We stay like that for hours, just talking about nothing important. And every night it’s the same conversation but with different stories. About her nephews dog-piling her when she first got home or about how my aunt got too drunk at dinner and passed out. We talk on Christmas morning and show off our haul.

It gets harder and harder every day we’re apart. I’ve gotten so used to sharing a bed that now it feels too big for just one person. Talking to her on the phone is nice but I miss seeing her in person, being able to kiss her. I’m aware it’s only been a few days but it sucks. And tomorrow is New Years Eve, we haven’t spent this holiday together since before we were together the first time, maybe not even might since college. I’ve always been strangely fascinated with New Years. Something about new beginnings and change has always resonated with me, but especially in light of how my life has changed in the past few years. Now that we’re together again, I wished she could be here to experience it with me.

We always have our own little mini-New Years Eve party, and tonight it’s warm enough to be out on the deck. We put up fun string lights and bought sparklers for the kids to play with on the sand. Looking out at my family, I know this is what I want. I can see years into the future when it’ll be Anna and I’s kids running around like crazies on the sand. I can see Anna’s husband grilling and Tobin would be pretending to help. After realizing for the zillionth time that she can’t cook, she’d wrap her arms around me while I looked out over the water. It all seems perfect, meant to be. I just wish she was here to see it with me.

As the evening wore on, the little ones dropped and fell asleep until it was just the adults. It’s nearly midnight and Tobin hasn’t texted or called at all today, which has put quite a damper on one of my favorite holidays.

All of the sudden, there’s a knock on the front door. Who would be knocking at midnight, even if it’s New Years? My mom gets up to check.

“Elisabeth, can you come here for a minute?” She calls.

Who could possibly be at the door? I turn the corner into the foyer and there she was. My Tobin, standing on the porch with her backpack. I don’t even know what to say, so instead, I run at her and jump into her arms. She catches me and wraps my legs around her waist. My arms are tight around her neck.

“You’re here!” I exclaim, burying my face into her neck, inhaling her sweet scent. “You’re really here.”

“You couldn’t possibly think I’d miss your favorite holiday, right? I thought you knew me better than that!”

I kiss her softly. “But what about your family? Wouldn’t they want you to be with them?”

“Are you kidding, they were ready to get rid of me after one day! Besides this was the plan from the moment we decided on this vacation. Did I do a good job hiding it?” Instead of answering her, I lean for another kiss.

“Ahem..” I had completely forgotten my mother was five feet away. “It’s nice to see you again, Tobin. We’ve missed you around here.”

She lets me down and thanks my mom for her words. We followed her down the hall and into the living room. She grabs my hand and locks our fingers together.

“TOBIN!” My sister screams. “Thank god, EB has been insufferably sad these last few days!” I smack my forehand with my hand.

“Thanks, big sis.”

Tobin laughs and looks at me, “You missed me that much?! Guess we’ll have to make up for lost time.” She grins and Anna rolled her eyes.

“You two are gross.”


	13. Thirteen

**2018**

Preseason for the Thorns was starting this week, first scrimmage over the weekend. Mark and I had talked extensively about me getting on the pitch to test my fitness and strength. I was there every day, getting there early and staying late. Tobin was back in fighting shape too, ready to get back out there. The night before the first game, she and I sat on the couch, cuddled close. It's been one week since she officially moved in. Her apartment was always so bare, mine didn't look much different as "ours". We were watching a Netflix show, but with her hand playing with the hairs at the name of my neck, I can't lie and say I was paying attention. 

"Are you ready for tomorrow?" She asks.

Am I ready for tomorrow? It's been nearly three years since I'd stepped on the pitch. Three years since I'd laced up my cleats at Providence Park. Three years since I'd playing alongside her.

"I thought it would never come, to be honest."

I can see her smile without even looking at her. She calming presence is what's gotten me through these weeks leading up to the game tomorrow. I think back to what Alyssa told me back after the Olympics. That Tobin never had a doubt I'd make it back, not even for a second.

I was really thankful that this game was against Chicago. Not only because that meant Alyssa would be there, but because it felt like a bookend to this journey I started three years ago.

"Do you want to go over the signals again?"

After my accident, I discovered that I was completely deaf in my right ear and had only about 80% hearing in my left. After learning how to cope with the inner ear issues and the problems it caused with my balance, I started to learn some sign language. I had been fitted for a hearing aid but I couldn't wear it in games so I wanted to make sure I wasn't relying on it too much. When the time finally came to get back on the pitch, Mark and I had discussed the problem of me actually knowing what's going on if I can't hear. We both decided that I would need to move to the right side so that my better ear would be facing the field. He also suggested coming up with some signs for my teammates to use. They were simple motions for things like "switch", "man coming", "again", "I go", and a few others. That way my teammates could communicate with me on the field.

"I think we're good." I smile at her, snuggling in closer to her chest.

"Do you want to start a new game day tradition? Or new 'night before' game day tradition?" She smirks at me, giving a tug to the hairs on the back of my neck.

"What did you have in mind?" She grabs my hand and leads me back into our bedroom. We are definitely making this a tradition.

***

The next morning, I'm woken by the sunlight streaming in from the giant windows in the bedroom. Tobin is knocked out still, splayed out across pretty much the entire bed, her arm and leg thrown over me, the other set nearly hanging off the bed. Seeing her like this makes me smile. We're finally back to the point where we're wholly comfortable around each other, able to be completely domestic.

I slide out from under her flailed limbs, being sure not to wake her. Morning Tobin is something to keep at bay as long as possible. I turn the coffee pot on and pull out the pan to make eggs. Have to keep up the protein for game day. Amazingly, Tobin wanders into the room _just_ as I'm putting food on plates, planned I'm sure. 

"Good morning sleepyhead." I say, sitting down at the counter with my coffee and breakfast. She mumbles something incoherent, kissing the top of my head, and goes straight for the coffee. She makes a cup and sits down next to me, staring into her cup, still not fully awake.

I finish my food and stand up from the table, ready to start my day. Tobin, on the other hand, still hadn't spoken a word and was on her second cup of coffee. As I leave the room, I press a kiss to her temple and ruffle her bed head.

A few hours later, it was time to head to the pitch. I climbed in the passenger seat and sat. My fingers start to fidget and I pick at my nails. A few minutes into the drive, Tobin covers my shaking hands with her steady one.

"Babe, stop worrying. You're gonna do great." She smiles, not taking her eyes off the road.

We arrive at Providence Park and make our way to the locker room. Since it was preseason, not many people had lined up outside to see us come into the stadium, which for me was a good thing. I was already so nervous and talking to people would only make it worse. Once inside the locker room, I could finally let out my breath. I was surrounded by people I loved and that loved me back. Sonnett climbs onto my back and cheers, Lindsey hugs my front. I've known them so long now I've completely forgotten I've never actually played with them. I make my way to my locker and there it is, my jersey, my number. I try my best to wipe away my tears as I pull it over my head. Feels like I'm pulled right back to 2015 again.

Mark comes in to give his pregame talk, but ends it short. He looks at me and smiles. "I think we should head on the pitch a few minutes early. EB, there's something you should see."

We exit the locker room and walk down the tunnel. As we walk out into the light, we're met by an uproar from a nearly sold-out crowd. A sell-out for preseason? That's unheard of. But then I notice a huge tifo with my name on it and a "welcome home". I'm just in awe. Tobin comes up beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"What do you think? Did we do a good job?"

"We? What do you mean?" I look at her, confused.

"Yesterday, while you were at PT, the rest of the team went out to promote the game. We went to the coffee spots, the bookstores, that weird hipster clothing store, Sonnett said she went all the way to Home Depot, which, I didn't know we had one. Even JJ and Lys came and helped once they got into town. We made sure people knew this was your first game back and the city wanted to support you. What do you think?"

I don't immediately answer. Instead I throw my arms around her neck and kiss her. We hadn't talked about publicizing that we were back together yet but in that moment all I cared about was her. She had done this amazing thing... for me. She had enlisted all of Portland to help me get back in the game.

"I love you. Thank you!" I pulled away from the kiss and laid my forehead on hers.

Game time. I wasn't starting this game, nor did I think I would. Mark had planned to sub me in sometime during the second half. At half, Chicago was up 1-0, thanks to Sam Kerr. Alyssa was a beast in the goal too, it's obvious her call up to the number one keeper for the national team has really helped her confidence. Lindsey has already had like five shots on goal. Tobin is on the bench next to me, she’s coming back from injury too, after all. She’s sitting back against the bleacher-style bench, her arm around my back and her thumb absentmindedly stroking my shoulder.

80th minute.

“Grace, Heath! You’re up!” Mark calls.

I think I might throw up. I stand and my stomach drops to my toes. There’s no more preparation, no more waiting, it’s here. Tobin squeezes my hand, reassuring me. We step up to the line together and the crowds cheer. I step onto the field for Sonnett who gives me another one of her patented hugs. Julie all but tackles me and I look over to see Alyssa wink at me. Then it’s game time.

I can’t explain the euphoria of being back on the field. The rush of the game was something that could never be duplicated. Even in a new position, I get like I was thriving. Sam Kerr is a true target striker and it was my job to shut her down. After my first slide tackle, I couldn’t help but smile after extending a hand to help her up. Tobin gets a goal and the game ended in a draw. When the final whistle blows, I leap into her arms, wrapping my legs around her waist, and kiss her. We kiss for a long time, maybe too long for public exposure but we don’t care.

“I love you, you know. You’re the strongest woman I know.” She says, pulling away.

“I know, but it’s nice to be reminded every once in a while.” I say playfully, my forehead resting on hers. “I love you too, Toby.”

“Alright, break it up lovebirds.” It’s Alyssa. She comes over and sandwiches herself in between us, wrapping her arms around each of our backs. “EB, what’s for dinner tonight? Heck, who cares as long as Tobin’s not helping.”

“Hey!” Tobin says, indignantly. “Yeah, alright fine.”

Later that evening, the three of us dot the living room with plates of the homemade pizza Alyssa and I had made. I get up to grab another slice when my phone rings. I pull in from the couch cushions and an unknown number pops up.

“Hello?” I ask, tentatively.

“EB? It’s Jill. Jill Ellis.” As in national team coach, Jill Ellis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter than normal but I wanted to get an update out. What do we think?


	14. Fourteen

"EB? Are you still there?"

"Yes! I'm here, Jill. Sorry I just wasn't expecting a call from you." I see Tobin's eyes go wide and she turns to Alyssa, who drops her pizza in her lap.

"I just wanted to let you know I had a colleague in the stands today. She called me to tell me about your performance."

"Oh, I was only in the game for a few minutes..."

"A damn good few minutes, it would seem. I didn't know you had moved to right back."

"Coach Parsons and I decided it would be a better place for me. I'm not fit enough to be back in the midfield, at least not yet."

"Well, I've been following your recovery and I was overjoyed when I learned you made it back on the pitch today."

"Thank you, Coach. It means a lot, coming from you."

"I'm going to keep monitoring your playing through preseason and into club season. My hope is to get you to a training camp sometime soon, so we can evaluate you. I don't want to get your hopes up, but I'll be watching."

"Oh, gosh. Wow, thank you Coach. I look forward to hearing from you. Anytime you'd like to come out to Portland, there's a ticket with your name on it."

"Make it back to the championship and I'll be there."

"Challenge accepted." I'm smiling so big.

"We'll be in touch, EB. Again, I'm so happy that you're on your way back. We've missed you."

She hangs up the phone and mine drops to the floor, clattering on the hardwood. Tobin and Alyssa are both staring at me, waiting for me to talk. At first, all I can do it stare back.

"Well??? What was that about?" Tobin finally breaks the silence.

"She told me she's going to be watching me through the season. That said she hopes I'll get picked for a training camp sometime soon." I can't contain my smile.

"Holy shit." Alyssa and Tobin say in unison.

"But she told not to get my hopes up for anything, just that she's watching." I quickly clarify.

"Babe, she wouldn't be calling you if it wasn't already on her mind. Jill's not the warm, fuzzy type. She wouldn't call you out of the blue if she wasn't interested." Tobin stands up and wraps her arms right around me.

"She's not wrong, EB." Alyssa pipes up. "She doesn't call just to say hi."

"Well, I don't want to think about it too much. I just got on the field, I just want to play. I don't want to think about this."

As excited as I was to hear from Jill, I can't let myself get wrapped up in it. I played for only about fifteen minutes of a preseason game, it's nothing. Tobin hugs me tighter, leaving a kiss on the top of my head.

"Whatever you want, EB."

***

And play I did. By our third preseason game, I was a halftime substitute. My fitness may not have been perfect, but I was thriving. Playing on the back line was like having the freedom of midfield but with added discipline. After her injury, Tobin had moved out of the midfield as well, but she was now on the front lines as a forward. I had almost forgotten the joy of playing together, forgotten how much love she brings to this game and how it elevates everyone around her.

The night before our home opener, Tobin took me out for a fancy dinner to celebrate. She even dressed up a bit herself, no sweats or sneakers.

"Excuse me, ma'am? Have you seen my girlfriend? Her name is Tobin, she likes to wear backwards baseball caps and tye-dye."

"Ha ha. Very funny. This is what I get for trying to look nice for you." She rolls her eyes.

"You always look nice to me, Tob. You don't have to get all dressed up just for me. But, you do clean up nice." My arms wrap around her neck and I give her lips a peck. She guides me to my seat, pulling my chair out for me. "Such service in this place!" I smile at her.

We sit and we eat, Tobin attempts to pull out her barely passable French with our waiter, and we laugh. We’re like kids again, playing footsie under the table and there’s a chance someone threw food, though I’ll deny it ever happened. When we get home, Tobin immediately sheds her heels and ties her hair up. She takes me by the hand and leads me back into the bedroom. My arms wrap around her neck and then we’re kissing. Her hands find their way under my top, her nails lightly raking over my stomach and she guides me to the bed. We’ve both been very stringent about our new night-before tradition, but can you blame me? She’s so incredibly gorgeous and all I want is my hands on hers.

The next morning, I’m woken by the shrill beeping of the smoke alarm. I race out of the room, momentarily forgetting I don’t have any pants on. “Tobin? Tobin, what happened? Tobin!”

“In here.” She says flatly, coming from the kitchen.

I walk in and see her sitting on the floor, a baking sheet with something too burned to tell what it was sat next to her. The alarm had stopped going off when I opened the window and let the smoke out. I sit down on the kitchen floor next to her. “Babe, what happened?”

“I tried to make you a special breakfast for your first game day back.” She sighs. “Obviously, it didn’t work.”

Later, we will laugh about this, but now, I can see she’s genuinely upset at her failure. I take her head in my hands. “Oh, Toby.” I give her a quick peck. “I don’t need a special breakfast or anything like that. Just being here with you, waking up to you, that’s all I need. Those are my special game day memories.” She smiles and kisses me back.

“I did get you something though.” She stands you and disappears down the hallway.

“Got me something? Tobin, I don’t need a present.” I follow behind her. “But, since you already got it, it would be rude of me not to accept.” I smirk, following her into the guest room. She is digging through a bag in the corner and pulls out a small, rectangular box. “Tobs...”

She opens it to reveal a dainty gold necklace with two chains. On it are two small medallions, one that shows a date with T+E etched on the back, the other shows the date of my accident on one side andtoday’s date on the other. “What’s this...”

“That’s the day we met. The day when you showed up in my room and changed my life. It’s a moment I’ve never forgotten and I want you to remember it too. And then the other is to remind you how far you’ve come. EB, when I say you’re the most inspiring, most incredible person I’ve ever met, I’m not sure you believe me.” I can feel the tears welling in my eyes. “EB, you are so special to me and I’m so unbelievably happy to be on this journey with you, even in the lows.”

“Toby...” The tears spring free. “I’m so sorry I shut you out for that time. I love you more than I can explain. I love this gift, I’ll never want to take it off.” I take it out of the box and gesture for her to help me put it on.

“I love you too. Now, will you please make us some breakfast? I’m starving.” My tears turn to hysterical laughter

“What would her majesty like?”

***

Game time. The whole atmosphere feels different compared to the preseason matches, the people waiting for us as we enter the locker room, the faint sounds of the crowd, and so many other things. I wait in the tunnel with the team as we’re about to be announced. When we walk out, I would say the sound is deafening, but honestly? In my head, you could hear a pin drop. All the sounds were filtered out and I could just look around at the sea of red and black, green mixed in here and there, and know that I’m home. I finally made it back here, there are no other words to describe it.

I don’t start, though I hoped I would, of course. Tobin does, and I watch her run around and leave people in her dust. Near halftime, she scored an absolute banger, her stamp on this new season already showing. As we head into the locker room, coach pulls me aside and tells me I’m starting the second half, going in for Sonnett. I try my best to remain calm, though I’m sure my emotions are all over my face. It’s a mixture of fear and excitement in the best way. The second half is fairly uneventful but the other team didn’t score, so I did my job.

Over the next few months, I see the field during almost every game. My minutes are still being managed to insure my fitness stays where it should be, but I’m the first called off the bench just about every time. By mid-season, I even started a game and played around 60 minutes. Obviously, the goal is to play the whole 90 but right now that’s not an option. Playing 40-50 minutes leaves me completely exhausted, my body practically begging for an ice bath and a nap.

One night, while Tobin and I are laying in bed together, her watching some YouTube video about an installation art piece and me reading a book, my phone pings, signaling an email. I reach for my phone and before I even ge to open it, Tobin’s phone goes off as well. Now, it’s past 10pm here, there aren’t many people awak sending emails. Tobin and I look at each other and she whispers, “Jill”.

Sure enough, we both received identical emails that invited us to training camp for a summer friendly. I was so happy I started jumping on the bed, Tobin watching from the mattress. I was too wrapped up in my girlfriend for the rest of the night, I didn’t see my phone blow up with messages.

**Uncle Naeher** : Congrats EB! I refuse to room with you though. Your snores man

**Sonnett** : AYYY SHE BACK

**Alex** : It’s about time, took you long enough!

**Lindsey** : FINALLY

**Kelley** : Egg! You did it!

**JJ** : we all missed you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’re getting closer to present day! (And by present day I mean 2019 because that’s where I have planned to finish)


	15. Fifteen

There are no girlfriends at camp. That’s the rule, has been since before my first call up.

But when Tobin assigned to room with Christen, a possessive arm goes around her backside, pulling her into me. Was Jill that dumb? Did she really have no clue about players’ personal lives? Scratch that, I don’t want her thinking about my personal life. But I would like her to make Tobin room with Sam or JJ or Becky or literally anyone on the the team other than Christen. I hate how it makes me feel. The jealousy feels slimy and I just want her to hug me and tell me everything is fine.

What she gives me isn’t the same, but it’s enough for now. She fumbles for my hand on her hip and squeezes tight before stepping out of my hold. She turns and smiles at me, putting her hands on my shoulders.

“I love YOU, okay? Only you.” She looks me straight in the eye. “Do you trust me?”

“Tobin. Of course I trust YOU. But...”

“No buts, EB. It’s just a place to sleep.” She’s right, of course, but seeing her turn down another hallway without me, it stings a little. Suddenly, an arm slides over my shoulders.

“Don’t worry, Eebs, we’ll have plenty of fun without her.” It’s Emily, my roommate for camp. “In fact, I’ve already curated a camp playlist AND you can help me with the choreography.” I shake my head and smile.

“Whatever you say, Son.”

***

Tobin plops down on ground next to me, nudging my shoulder, grinning ear to ear.

“Did ya miss me?” She winks.

“Sonnett kept me very occupied so, no, not really.” Tobin’s eyes go wide and her smile falters.

“What?”

“She forced me to learn a new dance. You know how terrible my rhythm is! It took all night long, I’m so tired.” I lean into her, feigning exhaustion, my cleats half undone and my shin guards stuck to my leg with sweat.

“Sonny and I will have to have another chat about staying up past her bedtime.” This makes me burst out laughing.

The rest of training that day went well. I won’t lie and say I was on the same level on Kelley, or Crystal, or any of the outside backs really, but I did well. Jill and the rest of the coaching staff had their eyes on me all day long, I felt like they were burning holes on me, but I made it through day one.

We had a bit of time between the end of training and team dinner, so I flopped down on my hotel bed.

**EB** : Come hang out in my room, I’m bored

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: Of course, your majesty, as you wish

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: Gimme 5 mins

She knocks softly on the door and I invite her in. “Where’s Sonny?”

“With Lindsey and Mal, doing god knows what.” I giggle, wrapping my arms around her neck. “Do you want me to call her and invite her over?” I joke.

“What? No, absolutely not. I just don’t want the Three Musketeers busting in at any moment. We’re not supposed to... you know.”

“No girlfriends at camp.” I repeat dryly. “Can we just hang out then, no girlfriend stuff, I promise.” I hold my hands up, innocently.

Without responding, Tobin lays down on my bed and motions for me to join her. I lay next to her while she flips through the channels on the TV. Finally settling on some monotonous home improvement show and rests her head against my shoulder. She passes out a few minutes after that and I just watch her for a while. Not in a creepy way, just admiring her. I can’t believe I let her buy those hideous banana shorts, I’ve threatened to burn them on more than one occasion. But she loves them so much, it’s like a security blanket, so I’ll save the argument for the next time she wears them. She nestles into me a little more and I can hear her make a small humming sound, like whatever she’s dreaming about is making her happy. We stay like this for a while, her passed out asleep and me watching couples debate open floor plans and white kitchens.

Suddenly, the door clicks open and the young-ins pile in, laughing obnoxiously. Sonnett stops in her tracks, causing Lindsey, then Mal, and then Rose to all knock into each other like the Three (or four in this case) Stooges. 

“Shit, sorry EB.” I press a finger to my lips and Sonnett repeats her sentence, this time in a whisper. “I’ll come back later.”

But as she says it, Tobin starts to stir. She rolls around a bit and rubs at her eyes. “Jesus, this is what I meant, EB.”

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Sonny said, a little embarrassed, I think.

“You’re fine, Sonny. Someone is just grumpy cause her nap got cut short.” I shoot Tobin a warning look.

“Yeah.” Tobin sighs. “Sorry I snapped, this isn’t even my room. I just didn’t sleep well last night and I’m not really nice sometimes when I wake up.”

I scoff. “That is the understatement of the universe.” This makes Sonny and the others laugh. Tobin just rolls her eyes.

“I’m going back to my room before dinner. Going to try and fall back asleep.” She pulls herself out of the bed and closes the door behind her.

**EB** : Why didn’t you say that you didn’t sleep well?

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: Didn’t want you to worry 

**EB** : Too late babe 

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: It’s a stupid reason

**EB** : My favorite kind 

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: It’s hard to sleep without you. The bed feels too big

For a moment, tears well up behind my eyes. The crazy thing is, I totally understand what she means. Now that we’re back together, we’ve barely spent any time apart. Not that I’m complaining, of course. And now I’m jealous of Christen for a totally different reason.

**EB** : Aww, babe. It’s hard for me too

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: Stupid Jill and her stupid rules 

**EB** : Try to get a little more rest before dinner. Pretend I’m there with you

I send her a quick selfie. It’s nothing particularly flattering, just a shot of me laid back against the pillows and under the comforter, giving her a soft smile and a thumbs up. She doesn’t respond, meaning she’d fallen asleep even before seeing the photo.

When it’s time to head down to team dinner, someone grabs my hand and pulls me into a small alcove of the hallway. Tobin’s hands wrapped tight around my waist and her mouth on my neck.

“Hi.” She whispers into my hair before leaving a kiss in the little spot behind my ear, a small gasp escaping my lips.

“Miss me, Tobs?” I giggle. “It’s been like an hour.”

“It’s been much longer since I’ve kissed you, EB. Like a whole day almost.” She rests her forehead on my collarbone.

“I suppose one quick peck might be more like _bending_ the rules and not breaking them.” I say. Tobin immediately crashes her lips on mine, catching me a bit by surprise at first. But then, I loop my arms around her neck and melt into it. We make out a bit longer than we should, the whole rest of the team probably already down at the ballroom they set up for us for dinner.

We try to sneak in but Alyssa catches us. She doesn’t say anything, just quirks one eyebrow and shrugs her shoulders. One of Alyssa’s superpowers was her way of having an entire conversation using only her eyebrows. It’s something I’ve learned to interpret over years of friendship.

We sit next to each other at dinner and Tobin slyly (or so she thinks) tucks her ankle around mine. I laugh at Sonnett’s jokes and we have a great time. It feels like I’m back where I belong, with all my closest friends and with soccer. It’s so hard to believe that this day almost never happened, that I’d come so close to giving up on my recovery.

***

For the next week, I push myself to the limit trying to make up for lost time. I surprise even myself with the prowess I’d developed over the last year as a defender. All camp long, I can feel eyes on me, wherever I go. Whether it’s Jill, one of the assistants, Dawn, or even Tobin. It’s like everyone is waiting for me to crack, expecting me to not be able to handle the pressure or the physicality of the other players. But I never give in. There was one night, after a particularly grueling practice where I’d been knocked around more than a few times, I did cry in the shower, hoping the water hid it from Sonnett in the next room. I can’t even fully explain why, but I felt like everyone was waiting for me to fail and I was trying with all my might to prove them wrong. But it was so exhausting.

The last night of camp was a fun team bonding session. We all hung out in Ash and Pinoe’s room while some romantic comedy played in the background. Most of us were focused on our own conversations. The young-in’s giggling about something, Crystal trying to challenge Becky to a dance off, Tobin and I watching it all. The two of us sat with our backs against the bed frame and my head rested on her shoulder.

“Did I do a good job?” I ask.

“What do you mean?” She turns to me.

“Did I do a good job? Like, did I impress them?”

“EB, you did a great job this week.”

“But was it enough?” I’m staring off into space.

“EB stop doubting yourself. Think about where you were, what you’ve been through.”

“But Tob, that’s just it. I don’t want my skill to be qualified. ‘She did as good as to be expected coming back from her injury.’ Or ‘She’s not as good as she was before, but with her injury she’s doing well.’ I hate that babe, it’s my worst nightmare.”

“Elisabeth Grace. You are a world-class athlete, period, end of sentence. This was not a pity invite, Jill wouldn’t have called you up unless you impressed her.”

“I just wish I believed in myself as much as you believe in me.” I snuggle into her shoulder more and she lays her head on top of mine.

“I’ll teach you.” I can feel her smile without actually seeing it.

That night, Tobin sends me a selfie of her tucked into bed, making a goofy face.

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: I love you, superstar 

**EB** : Love you more. We’ll be back in our bed soon 

**Tobin** 🤙🏼⚽️: Counting the minutes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Let me know what you think!


	16. Sixteen

She Believes 2018.

I was selected for the roster, though I couldn't give you a clear answer as to why. Jill, Tobin, Alyssa, and everyone else keep trying to hype me and get me to see that I deserve to be here, but there's a part of me, deep down, that doubts it. Part of me worries that this is all a big PR stunt for US Soccer. That they're using me as a poster child, the wonder kid. That they don't actually care if I play, just that people buy tickets because of me. It's an awful thought, but it's something I can't get out of my mind.

The feeling isn't tempered at all when I don't play. Not for a single minute. Not even 30 seconds in stoppage time. I do my best to be positive during the game, cheering for my teammates when they score and following the strategy from the bench. But once the games over, my mood plummets. Riding back to the hotel, I rest my head on the window, facing away from Tobin while she rests her hand in my lap. Even once we're back to the hotel, I don't talk to anyone. Instead, I immediately make my way to the room I'm sharing with Kelley and lock myself in the bathroom. I let the hot water soak into my skin and I just stand there for what feels like an eternity. I'm pulled out of my thoughts by a knock at the door.

"Egg? You alright in there?"

"Yeah." I croak.

"I'm here if you want to talk."

"Kel, I said I'm fine." I do my best not to snap at her. I climb out of the shower and change for bed. My flight back to Portland is early tomorrow so I just want to sleep. I pop out of the bathroom and climb in bed. Kelley is sitting on her own bed, organizing her suitcase. "Sorry I snapped, I'm just frustrated."

Kelley puts the shirt she was folding down. "It's all good, don't worry. I know it's not exactly the same, but I get where you're coming from, E."

"You do?"

"Uh, yeah." She chuckles. "I'm glad you can forget the 'Kelley's ankle is totally destroyed' period but that was the worst time in my life. The recovery sucked, but I made it through. And then trying to get back on the team? It was worse, it was literal hell. But here we are, we're back."

To be honest, I had all but forgotten Kelley's injury and I feel like such a shitty friend. "Yeah, here we are. You starting every game and me warming the bench. It's not like I was expecting to play the full 90 every game but I thought Jill wanted me to prove myself. How can I do that if she won't put me in the damn game?" I have to take a deep breath or else I'm going to start crying.

"I think you show it in practice and on the sidelines. You're a great teammate, Egg, and the coaches see that. I know it sounds dumb but the important thing is that you are there for your teamand you're willing to put the team first, even if you means not playing." I start to protest, but she cuts me off. "Doesn't mean you have to be happy about it. But,for what it's worth, you'll be out there soon, I know it." She gives me the signature Kelley O'Hara smile and I can't help but soften. She just has that effect on people, putting me at ease.

***

And, of course, she was right. Kelley is always right, as much as Alex likes to dispute it. The team had scheduled a couple friendlies over the summer against Mexico and had been called up again to camp. I officially made my return to the international stage at halftime in the first game. Jillpulled me aside to let me know, taking a moment to go over the plan. She doesn't get mushy or anything, she doesn't remind me it's the first time in a long time, that's not how Jill operates. She gives me one quick squeeze on my shoulder, but I know that's her showing me some affection and it makes me smile. Not only was I making my return, but this was also my debut as an outside back. When the time came, my number was held up in green and Kelley's in red. Of course I would sub on for her, it's just fate. When she came off, she gave me a huge hug before I ran on.

The roar of the crowd was instantaneous and I couldn't help but smile. Becky gives me a high five and I throw a wink at Tobin. I touch the ball maybe 10 times but it was incredible. The rush, the adrenaline, all these things I haven't been able to feel for three years. Being back out on the field, I feel lighter than I have in months, or years maybe. It's like a natural high. Of course, I've been back with the Thorns for a while now but this is different. To be able to play for my country again? There's nothing like it.

At the end of the game, Tobin wraps me in her arms. "Welcome back, babe." She buries her head in my neck and smiles.

"Tobs, can I kiss you?" She looks up at me, quizzically.

"When have I ever said no to that question?"

"No, like right now. In front of everyone. In front of cameras." I wave my hands around, gesturing. "Before, we weren't public. I know most Thorns people saw us after my first game back there but this is the world. But I don't want to hide it, I want to shout it from the rooftops. But—" and she cuts me off, crashing her lips on mine.

For a moment, the whole world stops. When she's kissing me, nothing else matters. There could a million cameras going off around the stadium, it may be captured on the TV camera, but we don't care. Finally, just before I decide to push my tongue into her mouth, Tobin pulls away.

"EB, never ask me that question again. You can kiss me anytime you want." Her smile is so big, it's almost blinding.

***

In the fall, I play in every single World Cup qualifier match. I didn't get to start, but I've started to accept my role as a super-sub. There was even one game where I subbed in for JJ and played in the midfield!

After the last game, we ride the bus back to the hotel and Tobin rests against my shoulder.

"EB?" I hum in response, looking at her. "Let's go somewhere for Christmas, just us." She nestles closer into me.

"As long as it's somewhere warm." I smile.

"Oh, new bikinis to show off?" She giggles.

"If you're lucky."

***

We pick Hawaii, just the two of us, though Allie tried her best to sneak into my luggage. We found an amazing Airbnb right on the water and Tobin decided I have to learn to surf.

"How is it that we've made it this far without you learning?" Tobin realizes. I shrug my shoulders.

"You never asked. I'm much more of a lay on the beach and tan type of gal, anyways."

Tobin scoffs. "Well, not anymore. Grab a board."

For the rest of the afternoon, Tobin becomes my surf instructor. And, in case your were wondering, I am terrible. Try as she might, I'm not getting it. I've fallen off every which way and Tobin cackles every time.

"Tobs, I'm hopeless. Can we try tomorrow, please?" I pout.

Tobin smiles. "Sure, babe." Her arms rest on the board, on my legs. "At least you look cute trying." I roll my eyes.

Later that night, we sit on the lanai and drink wine. It's probably the most relaxing setting with the ocean and watching the sunset. My mind wanders back to the game, back to our life at home. I start to think about how amazing the past year has been.

"Tobs?" I ask.

"What's up?"

"Do you think I have a chance to make the World Cup team?" It's the question I've been asking myself for months, trying to push it into the back of my mind. It's the question I have been terrified to ask and I'm not sure I want to hear the answer. "Be honest, Tobin."

She shifts in her seat to face me, setting her wine glass down. "EB –" She sighs.

That's all I needed to hear. I turn away from her. "Got it, thanks."

"Babe, you have to let me speak. You're expecting me to say one thing but you won't even wait for me to say it."

"Well if I already know, why do I have to wait until the words actually come out?" I snap. Bless my girlfriend for being the most patient person in the world.

"Elisabeth. Stop." She uses my full name to get my attention. "I absolutely think you have a shot at the World Cup. Do I think it will be easy? No way. But nothing has been easy on you these past few years so I know you can do it. I tell you so much in hopes that it'll sink in, but you're incredible. The crap you've been through, most people would give up."

"I almost did. Somebody wouldn't let me though, as mean as I was to her." I smirk and she smiles.

"Seriously, EB. I don't know if you'll make it, but I know that there's nobody who's going to work harder than you."

I stand up and climb into her chair and into her lap. "How did I find you?"

"I lost a bet with Alyssa so I had to be your friend." I swat at her and she kisses my shoulder.

"Remind me to thank her later." I lean in to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love you too. Can't wait to play in a World Cup with you."

The next morning, we try surfing again. I still suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!


	17. Seventeen

**2019**

Tobin was right. If I didn't make the World Cup team, it wouldn't be because I didn't work my absolute hardest to get there. Come the new year, I threw myself into training. I was running on my own every day, I was invited to January camp and I felt like I shined. After camp, it was time for NWSL preseason and I played every minute. I was finally feeling like my old self for the first time in nearly four years. I don't think I'll ever get back to the player I was before my accident, but I was mentally at the top of my game and the fittest I'd been in a long time.

I had been working with a sports psychologist ever since getting back with the Thorns. She was helping me master the anxiety I felt when I stepped on the pitch. She was teaching me to accept the new normal, that I wouldn't be the player I was four years ago, but I had a chance to be even better. She gave me coping strategies for dealing with the internal monologue of "what if I get hurt again" that is constantly playing in my mind. It's not even just on the field, but it could happen anytime. I think that's the worst part about my injury, that it wasn't soccer-related. It showed me that something like that can happen at any time, when you least expect it. My self-confidence was still very much a work in progress though.

All of this was leading up to the announcement for the World Cup roster in May. Jill hadn't given me anything to go on when it came to what she was thinking. And honestly, there were so many more deserving players in my position. All of which had been at the top of their game for a while now. I mean, you're talking Kelley, Crystal, Sonnett, Casey, Tierna, and Ali. They are my competition and I don't feel like I'm anywhere near their level, no matter how many times Tobin disagrees.

"EB, you are crushing it. You're a damn brick wall and you have some of the best crosses I've ever seen. And I know a lot about those!" She calls from the back deck as I finish making lunch.

"Better than yours?" I walk out the sliding door and smirk.

"Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves." She shakes her head and I smack her arm. "Seriously, babe, you're deserving. I just have a gut feeling this is finally it for you. You're going to make it."

"Don't jinx it, Tobs!" I knock on the wooden dining table.

As we got closer to May, any time either of our phones rang, we raced to answer it. One time Tobin tried to leap-frog the couch, nearly catching her foot on the back and cause her to flip onto the floor.

"Jesus, Tobin. If you hurt yourself before you get the call, why even answer?" I say sternly, offering a hand to help her up.

"Says the woman that nearly broke a plate when she chucked it to answer the phone?" She pulls me down on to the couch with her.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

***

When the call did come, Tobin wasn't there. She had gone out to breakfast with Lindsey and wasn't due back for another hour or so. I was working on a Sudoku puzzle at the kitchen counter when the phone rang. When I saw the caller I.D., I nearly fell off the stool.

"Jill Ellis"

My hands are shaking and I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. 

"Hello?" I try to answer as confidently as possible.

"EB? It's Jill."

"H-Hi Coach, how are you?" I stutter.

"I'm doing quite well, thank you." She pauses for a beat, drawing it out. "I'm sure you know why I'm calling."

At first, I nod. Then I realize she can't see me. "Yes Coach, I do."

"Well, Elisabeth Grace, I'd like to formally congratulate you on making the World Cup roster."

If I had been holding something, I would have dropped it. If I had been standing, I'm sure I would have collapsed. "What?"

"You made it, EB. You did it!"

"I did?" The disbelief in my voice cuts through.

I can hear Jill chuckle on on the other end. "Yes, you did. It has been an absolute honor to watch you fight your way back. I had a feeling last year that I would be making this call. I'm excited to have you around."

"Thank you so much, Coach. I won't let you down."

"I don't expect you will. You'll get more information about travel, accommodations and all that other stuff soon. Just so you know, the roster is being released to the public on Friday. And EB?"

"Yes, coach?"

"Enjoy it."

"I will, coach. Thank you again for the opportunity." We say goodbye and I hang up the phone. For the longest time, all I can do is sit there and stare at the phone. I should be calling my parents, my sister, Alyssa, and anyone else that would listen, but I'm stuck. The overall shock of it takes over.

I don't know how long I sat there, it could have been five minutes or it could have been an hour. I'm only brought out of my trance when Tobin comes in through the front door.

"Babe, this place Lindsey took me to was so bad. Literally the snobbiest little shop I've ever been in. Lindsey's avocado toast was $17! And she would't let me talk her out of it! The coffee was served in these teeny, tiny cups. It was like they were rationing or something. If I beg, can you make me one of your smoothies, please?" 

She rambles on, fishing something out of her bag before dropping it on the floor. When she makes her way to the kitchen, we finally lock eyes and the floodgates open. I burst into tears and Tobin is at a loss.

"EB? EB, what's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?" She races to my side.

"I made it." I choke out between sobs.

"What? You made what?"

"The team. The World Cup, I made it." Tobin doesn't say anything at first, electing to wrap me into a tight hug, kissing the top of my head. She lets me cry, just holding me.

Eventually, the crying stops and I look up at her. She's beaming, looking down at me.

"I made it, Tobs." She wipes a tear away from my cheek. 

"You did it, babe. I am so proud of you!" She whispers to me. All I can do is bury my head back into her and smile.

We stay like this for a long time, just the two of us. About two hours later, Tobin gets her call, though that was a given, in my opinion. We spend the next few hours calling our friends and family, telling them the good news. My mom and dad both cried on our FaceTime call, my sister started whooping and stood out on her balcony, shouting "my sister is going to the World Cup, people!"

Tobin pulled me into the FaceTime call with her parents, who congratulated me, told me how proud they were of me, and that to them, this means they have two daughters playing in the World Cup. Of course, that meant the waterworks were turned back on.

"They totally love you more than me." Tobin says, being snarky, when we hang up.

"I mean, can you blame them? You have excellent taste in women." I giggle, gesturing towards myself.

"What can I say? When you're right, you're right." She lays her head in my lap, closing her eyes blissfully. "EB, what do you say we go out and celebrate somewhere nice tonight?"

"Weren't you just complaining about the overpriced, fancy place you went to for breakfast with Lindsey?" I snort.

"Yes, but I'm not dating Lindsey, am I?"

"No, I suppose not. She's very pretty though." 

"Gross, EB, she's like my little sister!" She smacks her hands over her eyes in mock disgust.

"Tobs, can we just order pizza or something? I'd rather celebrate with you at home."

"Only if we can order cheesy bread too." She peeks out from behind her fingers.

"Might as well before we have to start our Dawn Diet."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Tobin sits up and reaches for the phone.

"Yes, but it's nice to be reminded every once in a while." I shrug and smile.


	18. Eighteen

After the roster came out, my phone didn't stop ringing for days. I took calls from reporters at places like ESPN, Fox, and pretty much every other major sports media outlet, as well as about two dozen businesses that wanted to talk about a sponsorship partnership. This was the part of the pro-athlete life I hadn't missed in my time away. Even when I returned to the national team, the attention was nothing compared to the flood that came after the roster announcement.

Before heading off to training camp ahead of the World Cup, we had to do a media day. Hours upon hours of answering the same questions from different reporters. 

"What were you doing when you got the call?"

"How have you been preparing for the tournament?"

"Can you talk to us about the lawsuit?"

"How has your injury influenced your life today?"

"What's it like being on the team with your partner?"

And on, and on, and on. It felt like we were answering questions for eight hours before it ended. We were leaving for training camp in England the next morning and I was already exhausted. We board the plane I immediately pass out on Tobin's shoulder for the entire plane ride.

We spend a week at the Tottenham facility before heading to France. It was so nice to have time to bond as a team before the tournament began. We were in our own little bubble, away from the media, and away from prying eyes. We trained hard and we had so many laughs together. It was nice for me to get to know some of the "newer" players a little better. Players like Rose or Tierna, that hadn't been around before my injury and I hadn't spent much time with them. I soon learned that Rose might be the funniest person I've ever met, that dry humor really gets me and I'm always laughing around her.

The night before we left for France, we had a big team dinner that kind of turned into a roast. Jill gave a big speech about how proud she was of all of us and how pumped she was about getting the tournament underway. After she spoke, Jill handed the mike off to Pinoe and Ash, who spent the rest of the evening making everyone laugh until we cried. It was nice to have one more moment of carefree fun before the pressure of the games.

***

I couldn't believe that backlash after the first game. The amount of media calling our team "classless" or "sore-winners" was incredible. We won 13-0, but not one of us thought of ourselves as "better" than the Thai players. In between our games, we were accosted by reporters and internet trolls.

"Elisabeth, what would you say to the people calling the US players out for your behavior against Thailand? What would you say to the Thai players?"

"The Thai players qualified for the same tournament as we did, they are a world-class team. And I would tell them that. They earned their spot on the field and they represented their country. What more can you ask? As for my teammates, we respect our opponents and to call us rude is baseless and ignorant. Thank you for your time."

***

Our second game was against Chile and I got the start. The feeling of stepping on to the field was indescribable. I'd waited nearly ten years for this moment and it lived up to every expectation. Every time I touched the ball was like magic. I didn't play much of a role in that game and gt subbed out for Sonnett in the second half, but I didn't care. There was a smile plastered on my face from start to finish.

After the Chile game, I was rooming with Jess, who was awesome, and she let me and Tobin have some alone time in the room. Her roommate was Rose, so there was no way we were getting privacy from her.

"You looked awesome out there, you know?

"I mean, you've told me about it before, but the rush, Tobs! You can't prepare for that feeling!" I squeal, making her laugh. 

"It's definitely something. I like getting to watch you have that moment. You've seen me in the World Cup games and it was so cool to see you experience it."

"Oh, you like watching me, huh?" I waggle my eyebrows at her.

"What can I say, you're pretty cute. And your butt looks real good in those shorts."

"You flatter me. Keep it up and maybe I'll let you stick around." I wink at her, laying my head on her chest.

***

Sweden. It has to be Sweden. I don't think anyone on the team now from 2016 has been thinking of anything else since the group draw. This game was the media darling leading up to the tournament, the big rematch from the Olympics. Broadcasters kept questioning whether or not we would lose on purpose in order to avoid France until the final. Obviously, no one really knows our team if they though, even for a second, that we wouldn't be putting everything we had into every game.

Lindsey scores the quickest goal of the tournament and Tobin scores an incredible bending ball from the end line. The referee calls it an own goal, but I don't buy it. 

We steamroll Sweden and it's like a weight has been lifted from our collective shoulders. We're top of the group and moving on to the knockouts.

***

The Spain game is scary. The first goal Alyssa let in so far, and the play itself was sloppy. It was so hard to watch Alex basically get beaten up for ninety minutes straight. The Spain team was so incredibly technical and they really pushed us back on our heels. Thank goodness for our set-piece queen, Pinoe, and her penalty skills. 

***

The quarterfinal game against France felt like a final. The atmosphere is so incredible, so loud, it was under the lights in Paris, you can't get better than that. Honestly though? For all that was built up for so long, it didn't feel too stressful. Having the two goal security was so nice, would have been even better if they had counted Tobin's goal (which they should have) but she had an amazing assist. It was really awesome to watch one of the French players running into Kelley "brick wall" O'Hara, that got a laugh out of me.

The next day, we were on a train to Lyon, where the semi-final and final would be played. I sat with Tobin, her head resting on my shoulder. 

"Can you believe, Tobs?"

"Believe what?" She asks sleepily, her eyes still closed. 

"We're going to win a World Cup together."

"Don't get ahead yourself, EB. Still a long way to go."

"I don't know, I just have a feeling." I smile to myself.

"Whatever you say, babe." Tobin curls in closer to me.

I kiss her head before laying my own on top. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so bad but I needed filler before leading up to the big finale in Lyon. Bear with me, we're nearly there!


	19. Nineteen

The semi-final against England was one of the most intense two hours of my life. Even after Christen scored that banger, it didn't feel like the we were in the clear. Watching from the sidelines, I cheered and yelled until my lungs were ready to give out. Watching Ellen White equalize left a soccer ball-sized lump in my throat. When Alex scored and sipped her tea, the entire bench, the entire stadium, erupted.

Then came the penalty kick. No one was quite sure if it should have been an actual PK, since Becky would never. But there we were, all standing and waiting on baited breath and Steph Houghton stood over the ball. And Alyssa saved it. She pushed the right way and the ball found it's way into her waiting hands. I think about Alyssa, one of my best friends since I was 12, and her journey. I think about the relentless pressure put on her after Hope left (was pushed out). I cannot imagine the weight she carried around, being the backup to arguably the greatest goalkeeper in history. The way the media harped on her skill and her presence, it was so devastating at times. But here she was, saving a PK in the middle of a World Cup semi-final. I asked her about it later and she told me she couldn't remember any of it. Classic Alyssa, never one to boast about herself.

Later that night, we as a team celebrated Alex, Pinoe, and Crystal's birthdays with a big dinner celebration. There was so much food and we partied on well into late night. It was nice to not have to travel again for the next game so we had a few moments where the pressure was off. 

Luck was on my side somehow and Tobin and I ended up rooming together. The night before the final, we laid on the bed, reminiscing about the journey. 

"Did you think, back when we were in college, that we'd get here?" I ask, laying my head on her chest.

"Right here? No, but I hoped for a really long." She dropped a kiss to the top of my head.

"No, you dork. The World Cup. I know you've been to zillion of these, but being here together."

"I'm not sure. It was the dream, the goal, but I was never sure. Honestly, I thought you would get there before me."

"No way! You've become one of the greatest players in the world."

"Nah, You're biased anyway." She chuckles, shaking her head.

"Tobin Powell Heath. If I was being biased, I would have said you are _the_ best player in the world. Not that I'd be that wrong." I look up at her and smirk. "Also, if I'm being biased, I would also include that you're the prettiest soccer player in the world. Or just prettiest girl in the world, no qualifiers."

"That's all you, EB." She squeezes me tight. "But really, when we started with the Thorns, I knew you were going to make it. And then you did. And then..." She drifts off, not meaning to bring up the accident.

"I think this is how it was supposed to happen. Not in the sense that I think a higher power put me in front of that car, but that we were supposed to do this together. We were supposed to be a part of this movement." I hug her a little closer.

"I think so too. And we did it, the final."

"You going to score again? Like 2015?"

"You know I'm going to try." She ruffles my hair. "Let's get some sleep, big day tomorrow."

***

The World Cup final. A moment 15 years in the making, and I'm finally here. I didn't even care that I wasn't going to get to play, I made it. Watching from the sidelines, every moment was a new high. Watching my teammates on the field, weaving in and out of the Dutch players. The Dutch goalie was having the game of her life (which, honestly, best time for that to happen) and saved shots from all over the place.

A few moments before halftime, Kelley knocked heads with one of the Dutch players and was very slow to get up. The trainers immediately run out onto the field, as they've been told to do if there's a head injury. When she finally stands, she argues with the ref about having to go off, which is classic Kelley. She is allowed back on for the last few minutes of the half.

Upon walking into the locker room, I'm pulled aside by one of the assistant coaches. 

"EB, you're going in when we go back on."

"What?" There's no way I just heard that.

"Kelley can't keep playing, she can't. Jill said we needed someone grounded, someone that can handle the pressure. And she said that's you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you. Get ready."

I almost fainted right there. So much for being grounded and handling the pressure. I walked into the full locker room and immediately lock eyes with Tobin. She comes over to me, looking concerned.

"EB--"

"I'm going in. Kelley's off." She doesn't say anything at first, just wrapping me in her arms. "Apparently I can handle pressure."

She pull herself away from me just a little so she can see my face. "You can. I know that when you step on that field, all these nerves are going to go away. You know what to do, you've done it before."

"I think you're confusing me with you. I've never played in a World Cup final, it's you that's been in of three of them."

"Yeah but you don't ever freak out on the field. That's your place." She squeezes me again and kisses my forehead. "Now, let's go win a World Cup." She smiled.

And, of course, she was right. When the whistle blew to start, there was an immediate calm that washed over me. It's another game, another opponent, and I knew I could handle this. I felt comfortable with my touches, and playing the ball up the right flank to Tobin is something I can do in my sleep.

Then Alex went down in the box, writhing in pain. The ref reviewed the play with VAR and awarded the penalty. Pinoe did what she does best, coming in clutch at the most important times. 1-0.

A few minutes later, Rose starts doing Rose Lavelle things, shaking defenders left and right, and fires the ball into the back of the net. 2-0. 

There wasn't too much stoppage time, and our team was doing a great job of time-wasting. Becky passed me the ball out of the back and I travel up the right side, dribbling and looking for a cross, the whistle blew to end the game. I thought my knees were going to buckle underneath me. Tobin had been subbed off earlier in the half and she sprinted to me, jumping into my arms and knocking to the ground. Before we even get a chance to say anything to each other, we are dog piled by Allie and Ashlyn.

For the next few hours, we celebrated, and we celebrated HARD. Medals hanging from our necks, the champagne and beer flowing freely. We were escorted to a bar later that night and the celebrations continued. If I had been questioning Tobin's sobriety, watching her dance on the bar solidified for me just how drunk she was. Happy drunk is Tobin's best alter ego.

Later in the evening, she climbs down and wraps me in a tight hug, burying her face in my neck. "I love you." She muffles.

"Aw, babe, I love you more."

"Impossible, EB." 

She looks back at me, tears welling up just a little. I pull her into a soft kiss, wrapping my arms around her as well. We stay that way for a beat before she pulls back just a little.

"Marry me." She says. It's not a question, but a statement.

"Tobs, you're drunk." I laugh.

"Yes, I'm drunk. I'm drunk and you're beautiful. And tomorrow, I'll be sober and you'll still be beautiful. I want to marry you, it won't change." 

"Then ask me again tomorrow." I smile at her and she brightens.

"Just you wait, Elisabeth."

The next morning, we all climb aboard the plane to New York, all hungover and zombie-like. I all but fall into my seat next to Tobin, who was surprisingly chipper. Her smile would blinded me if I'd taken my sunglasses off.

"How are you so upbeat right now?" I whine to her.

"Just happy."

"I should hope so, you're a World Cup Champion, babe." I snuggle into her shoulder.

"Yeah, that's it." She smirks.

"What? What's that face for?"

"Last night. It's tomorrow."

"Toby, my head hurts. What are you talking about?" I whine again.

"Last night? You told me to ask you again tomorrow."

"Told you to ask me what?"

"To marry me." I sit up straight in the chair. "It's tomorrow. I'm asking again. Marry me, EB."

"Tobin..."

"I love you, EB. I want to marry you. I think I've known it since I was 15 years old. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Hell, I've already spent half my lifetime with you!"

"Tobs..."

"I want to have a family with you. White picket fence, 2.5 children, the golden retriever, I want of all of it. I want blonde haired, blue eyed mini versions of you running around the house with a ball. Or not, whatever they want. Man, I hope they want to play football." She rambles.

"Tobin!" I cut her off and she stops talking. She just stares at me, waiting. "Of course I'll marry you."

"What?" She's stunned.

"Of course I'll marry you, Toby. I love you too. I want all of those things. Though I think we can both agree we're not the white picket fence kind of people."

"You want to marry me?"

"Are you changing your mind?" I joke.

"Never." She leans in and kisses me.

"Now that it's settled, I'm still very hungover and tired. And I'm going to use my _fiance's_ shoulder as a pillow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took Ali's story from the 2019 final, sorry not sorry.
> 
> This is technically the ending, but there will be a short epilogue coming soon!


	20. Twenty

**Epilogue (Four Years Later)**

After the World Cup, I announced my retirement from professional soccer. I played in the victory tour with the national team, my final game was played in Chicago in front of a sellout crowd. I couldn't have asked for anything better. In Portland, I played through the end of the season, my journey again ending in Chicago. Even though it ended in a loss, I had the best time.

When we returned from France in 2019, my doctor told me that my leg would need more surgeries within a few years if I kept playing. He never told me I had to stop, but I needed to listen to my body. He also brought up that, if it was something I was looking into, having a child naturally would become more difficult the longer I played and stressed my pelvis. So I decided it was time to hang up my boots, it was a no-brainer.

Tobin was upset, of course. The moment of pure joy following our engagement was cut short by the news. 

"EB, we just got you back. You can't leave again." She presses her forehead against my chest.

"I'm not going anywhere, Tobs. I'll still be at every game, just not on the field. I'll get to watch your cute butt from the boxes." This makes her smile.

"Aren't you sad?"

"Of course I'm sad, babe. But I'm also excited about what comes next. I can't wait to marry you and start a family with you." 

We got married a year later at my family's beach house. The ceremony was on the dock and the reception/party took place in the house. It was a small wedding, just close family and friends. Alyssa was my maid of honor and Alex was the "best man". Alex's daughter was the flower girl and HAO's little boy was the ring bearer, it was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Tobin was barefoot and in a simple dress, looking beautiful. 

Now here we are. Packing Tobin for her fifth World Cup. The team was leaving for Australia the next day and, of course, she hadn't packed yet. As I was folding up the last of her shirts, there was a crash from down the hall.

"Tobs? Everything okay." When I don't hear a response, I rush toward the noise. What I find, however, just makes me smile. My beautiful wife, splayed out on the hardwood floors, with our little girl on top of her and the dog next to them.

Lindsey Grace Heath, born June 2021, with my blue eyes and Tobin's brown hair (not technically, but we gloss over that). She came into our lives nearly two years ago and nothing had been the same since. Tobin had been nervous to ask about naming her after her chosen sister, though I loved the idea. Lindsey cried when we told her, and Sonnett offered up her name as well. When we got married, I took Tobin's last name, and so I followed in my mom's footsteps, giving our baby my maiden name. I have embraced my life as a stay at home mom, not that I'm ever without help. We spend a lot of our days out at Providence Park, cheering on Mama. Looking at them, laying on the floor, and my heart soars. This is all I ever wanted, and we finally have it.

"Well, I do believe it's those adorable Heath girls." I say, sitting down on the floor next to them.

"Babe, I think she's going to take after you on the field, she's a bulldozer. No finesse at all." Tobin jokingly rolls her eyes.

"Me? A bulldozer? Never. Now, tell me. Something seems wrong with this picture. You guys are out here having all the fun while I'm packing your suitcase!" I scoop the baby up off Tobin's chest and snuggle her close, making her giggle.

"Mommy, stop!" She squeals.

"Sorry, we got distracted. I'm all yours now." Tobin stands, wrapping me in a hug and planting a kiss on Lindsey's nose.

"How convenient, wife of mine. I'm all finished."

"What? Oh darn." She smirks. "Lindsey, isn't Mommy so pretty?" She nods her little head.

"Trying to butter me up, huh?"

"Is it working?"

"Yours? No. Hers?" I nod my head at our daughter. "Absolutely."

The next morning at the airport, we are bombarded by the team, all cooing and wanting to hold the baby. "Hey, now. I am her godmother and her namesake, I think it should be me first." Baby Lindsey makes grabby hands, wanting to be picked up.

We wave as the team files on to the plane, we would be meeting them in a week for the start to the tournament. In case I had any lapse in judgement about how awesome my baby was, she didn't cry once on our plane journey to Australia. When it was time for the first game, we settled into the family and friends section to cheer Tobin on. Suddenly, after the anthems, she came running over to the stands.

"Tob, what are you doing? Is everything okay?" She was worrying me.

"Everything is perfect, I just needed a good luck kiss from my best girls." She reaches to kiss me and then the baby on top of her head.

"Lindsey what do we say?" I lean down so she can hear me over the crowd.

"Good luck, Mama! Oosa, oosa!" I taught her that one on the plane.

"Ahh!" Tobin kisses her one more time and looks up at me before heading back onto the field. "I love you" She mouths.

And we settle in to watch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for loving this story! This was the first time I'd written anything like this, so hearing your praise means the world to me.


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